The festival coincides with Denver Beer Week, which means that there will be beer-related events going on around the city all week. Hereâ€™s a list of the cooler things there are to do. Awesome events range from beer ice cream to beer movies to beer fly fishing (which is weirdly really expensive).
As Lisa and I begin gearing up for the awesomeness that is GABF, I began imparting the wisdom that I learned last year to Lisa, since this will be her first year.
Also, GABF is sold out, so sorry to all the suckers who didnâ€™t get tickets in time. Weâ€™ll have a tiny sample of beer for you.
The following are the DOâ€™s and DONâ€™Ts for having a wonderful experience at GABF.
DO buy extra tickets early
When the event inevitably sells out, people will be scrambling on Craigslist to get tickets and for some reason are willing to pay much more than the price you bought theÂ tickets at. God bless price gouging.
You can also buy tickets forÂ friends/boyfriendsÂ in advance and sell them the day before the event for twice the price you paid. You’r going to lose a friend/boyfriendÂ but really, whatÂ friend/boyfriendÂ is worth more than $100 in your pocket?
DO make a necklace of pretzels in advance
When youâ€™re drunk, itâ€™s a nice surprise to have. If you get good pretzels, they can also be used for bartering. Lisa suggested that this year we make dresses out of pretzels. The jury is still out on if this would be a great idea or a terrible one. (By the end of the festival not only will you be full of beer andÂ pretzelsÂ but you’ll be too drunk to even realize that you’re naked and covered in a variety of different people’s saliva. – Lisa)
DO make sure to stay out of the way of cameras
This is important for two reasons.
1. Youâ€™re drunk. Youâ€™ll look like an idiot and whatever you have to say wonâ€™t be insightful (or even coherent, most likely).
2. If you happen to be making out with someone who you arenâ€™t dating, and the person youâ€™re dating randomly happens to see you on TV, it doesnâ€™t end well.
DO get there early
The lines get long really quickly, and the earlier you get there, the more time you have to make fun of idiot groups of middle-aged men who are all wearing t-shirts with dumb sexual innuendos on them. Also, the sooner you get in to get beer when the doors open.
DO figure out your transportation/lodging in advance
I would strongly suggest getting a hotel room downtown within walking distance or bribing one of your friends to come pick you up afterwards. Although a hotel is more expensive, itâ€™s sometimes easierÂ to book than it is findingÂ a sober friend on a Saturday night (Or, if youâ€™re Lisa, you gypsy-trick someoneÂ from your mantourage into chauffer duty).
DO practice for the big day
Although it seems like 2 oz samples of beer are going to take forever to get your drunk itâ€™s not true. Prep for the event by havingÂ a five hourÂ Power Hour with your friends for several nights leading up to GABF.
DONâ€™T drop your beer. Itâ€™s humiliating
Hilarious for all of the people around you as they boo you, but humiliating for you. Find some way to attach your cup to you. Create a necklace with a cupholder. Buy a rubber bracelet to put around it. Or, wear a shirt that creates just enough cleavage to keep your cup in.
DONâ€™T hit on guys at booths by telling them they look like Carson Daly
This confuses/insults them and then they usually donâ€™t give you free stuff. And in some cases, it turns out that they know your boyfriend and then itâ€™s weird.
DONâ€™T hook up with anyone at the end of the event
When everyone is kicked out of the convention center, there is usually a large crowd gathered outside the entrance looking confused. Everyone has the Jersey Shore â€śNobody is ugly after 2 AMâ€ť mentality, however itâ€™s only 10 PM. Donâ€™t let your beer goggles fool you, and avoid making out with anyone.
DONâ€™T drink more at the bars downtown afterwards
Because you will regret it in the morning. Just say no, and instead go home with the person you just met outside the festival, at least you know they have good taste in beer.
See you all on Saturday!