Tag Archives: Denver breweries

ManBeer…for Metrosexuals (Bull and Bush, Denver)

8 Dec

Lisa and I decided we needed to go to a brewery with food, and since we’re quickly running out of Denver options (It’s going to be fun when we have to start taking weird road trips to places like Durango), decided to try out Bull and Bush.

We had heard a lot of good things, so we were pretty excited. It’s a bar with a dirty name, so we figured it had to be awesome.

(Aside from the dirty name this bar also features a logo that combines the Coppertone logo and mild child pornography. –Lisa)

Those look like 2 little boys to me. Probably should be called Bull & Bull. This most definitely explains the "ManBeer".

Yeah her bottoms are half down but she's not wearing a top at all!

After inviting people, contemplating inviting people and then uninviting other people, it was just Lisa and me. Which Lisa tweeted about.

Me_normal Limabo88: After contemplating inviting other ppl 2 accompany us to a #brewery tonite @jyugel & I decided a ladyhomosexual date was more our style.
 
Again, my GPS felt the need to take us on a very roundabout path, through a suburban neighborhood. We finally reached the pub, which looked fun and delightful from the outside (and also like Hansel and Gretel might be inside), but kind of out of place in a very residential neighborhood. 

It was self-seating, so we wandered until we found a table in the back where we were surrounded by several groups of middle-aged people who were excessively happy they were able to be out (which I enjoy because it makes me feel young and hip, even though most nights I’m home by 10).  

The menu was vast and included everything from traditional pub food, to steaks to specialized burgers. Lisa and I decided to share a few appetizers, in true lady homosexual fashion, which was even more awkward to order, since we each also got a cup of french onion soup and everything we ordered involved cheese as a main ingredient. 

We had so much delicious food, we thought it deserved a boob shot

Unfortunately, the thing that was most memorable about this brewery was the AWFUL server we had. I waitressed for 5 years to get through school, so I know what it’s like. And what most servers will tell you is that we can be very understanding people, but I can also tell when people are just shitty at their job, and it makes me even angrier.

Out of former server guilt and empathy, I’ll pretty much tip over 20% if you can remember to bring me my food. But something about this girl just made us want to hit her. It might have been her inability to do her job  AT ALL. This almost warranted a negative tip but since we’re both going to hell for a variety of other reason we didn’t think “not paying your beer tab” needed to be added to the list. 

Waitress: “Do you know what you’d like to drink?

Me: Well, we noticed there’s 7 beers, but the samplers come in threes. Could we do 2 samplers and get one other beer?

Waitress: No.

Me: Really? There is no way to do that? No way, that we could purchase one sampler for a dollar, or you could charge us for something and give us the extra beer?

Waitress: No.

Lisa: Okay, we’ll take these beers then and…

(Waitress nods and walks off)

Lisa: I was in the middle of a sentence, right? I clearly hadn’t finished talking, right?

To make a long story short, it went downhill from there. Our beers were warm, we had to explain to her that instead of telling us what the beers were, she should set them on the sampler page, and I’m pretty sure she forgot about the second beer. 

(I contemplated ordering the specialty cask beers on the menu but figured any deviation from the normal might result in no beers at all and I was thirsty. -Lisa)  

 At the end of the meal, our waitress told us we had her last pen. In true passive-aggressive form, I stole it.

And cackled in the car about it. I SHOWED HER!!!

As we sampled the beers, Lisa proudly whipped out her notebook and offered to take notes for the evening.

"I have a notebook! I'm not going to use it, but I have one!"

She actually writes upside down too, so that if you flip it, everything is correct.

I offered to take over.

We had to write holding our notebooks because there was no room on the table, with all the food we got

After realizing we should probably start drinking our beer before we filled up on food, we got started. You’ll notice that one is in fact missing because you are NOT allowed to order beer samples in any interval other than 3.

It took a while to get this shot, because we had to clear the table

THE BEERS

Happy Hop Pilsner- It tasted like a stronger Keystone Light. Which isn’t something anyone wants. Especially when it’s kind of warm. And it most certainly does not make anyone happy or like they want to hop when they drink it.

“This is the worst.”

Julia- 1 boob

Lisa- 2 boobs

Allgood Amber Ale- Ambers are something we struggle with sometimes. Most of them have a copper taste, like you’re sucking on a penny, which is something that neither of us enjoy. However, this one really was “all good”. No copper aftertaste, and just the right amount of bitterness.

3 boobs

Tower ESB- This was a gypsy beer. At first taste, it seemed okay. And then a few seconds after swallowing, the very very bitter aftertaste set it. We still have no idea what ESB stands for, and our suggestions aren’t funny enough to share. “Extremely Shitty Beer?” was the best one, so that should tell you something.

“We don’t see these very often…which I’m glad about. Except that I forget that I hate them, so it’s always a terrible surprise.”

2 boobs

No Coast IPA- As IPA’s go, we like them to be bursting with flavor, and it’s what we expect. This one was weak. And not just weak, but bad weak, where all of the bad flavors seemed to be struggling to make themselves known on our delicate palates.

“They should’ve just called it Gross IPA.”

2 boobs

ManBeer- This is supposed to be a citrusy, malty and hoppy beer. The flavors were more subtle than the other IPA, which we appreciated. However, it wasn’t what we would call a “man beer”.

“They should’ve called it ‘MetrosexualBeer.’ That would have been more fitting.”

3 boobs (but only because it’s still an IPA)

Big Ben Brown Ale- Nutty flavor. Decent, nondescript beer.

3 boobs

Julia: What are you doing?

Lisa: I was cleansing my palate with sour cheese

Stonehenge Stout- had a great smokey flavor mixed with carmel. Decent.

3 boobs

 

 

Why is the GPS Directing Us To A Dark Alley? (Great Divide Brewery)

29 Sep

We decided to go to Great Divide for two reasons- we needed somewhere close, and it was closer than Dry Dock in Aurora. My GPS had different ideas though, as it led us to a very sketchy part of Denver, with at least 3 U-turns and didn’t take us to the brewery at all. Or so we thought, until we learned that Great Divide is in a sketchier area. So sketchy you don’t have to bother paying the parking meter since your car will be stolen before you ever get a parking ticket.

We should've taken a drink every time we saw someone who looked like they might've stabbed us.

Even though it’s not in the nicest area, this is a great place to drink. They have an awesome selection of clothing, including hoodies, shirts and underwear).

You can gauge how worthy the guys you're with are by seeing how they react to your panties

While I was delighted, Lisa is still holding out for this shirt.

As a comment on the site said, "No wonder she's banned. Look at the way she's holding that beer! She's going to spill!"

Great Divide is a nice place to go drink at, thanks to the 4 free beer samples per person, which means that we didn’t have to pay for anything, except a tip to the bartender. They also have this sweet water keg, which I realized might be a glimpse into our futures.

Since we're old and don't have parties or friends anymore, what should we use this keg for? How about water?

Random other occurences from the night. We saw this man in short shorts.

The picture doesn't do it justice

We thought we saw an actual lady homosexual, and tried to take a secret picture, but we failed. (And by we, I mean Lisa’s latest manpanion failed.)

I made fun of Lisa for how she pronounces “bull” and “bowl” the exact same way, so you don’t know what she’s talking about, unless she gestures.

(You would think they she’d be able to figure out what I was saying by the context as we were taught to do in second grade. I don’t generally say “Hey, can I have a BULL of ice cream.” nor do I say “Where’s the BULL’s” as if she was keeping a herd of large furry animals in one of the cabinets in her kitchen.” – Lisa)

Bull

Bowl. Not BULL or vagina as it was pointed out that it looked like I was gesturing at.

There was a rando Yeti on the wall.

Seemed cooler when we were drunk.

One of the beers definitely looked like someone jizzed in the cup, which led to a discussion with the greatest revelation a man can ever learn-

Asking ladies for blow jobs (this includes the pushing her head down while you’re making out, and also outright asking) usually leads to no blow jobs, because we don’t like feeling like you’re forcing us to do it. Instead, men should turn it into some sort of challenge (ie. no woman has ever given me a good one, so I don’t expect much from you, etc) and you’ll probably get your happy ending.

Better in a cup than on your face, I always say

On to the beers.

Lisa and I began arguing about who had better cleavage(which was neither). So you get two boob shots, and the men around us got a show.

This was our conversation- "My boobs are bigger than yours, so I'll take the picture." "No they're not! I just have to pull my shirt down more!"

Wild Raspberry- This was a decent wheat beer. We’re always apprehensive about fruit beers because most of the time they’re crap. However, this one actually tasted like raspberry! (What a concept!). It was good, but we compare all fruit beers to Tommyknocker’s Tundrabeary, so this was like a lesser version.

“If it doesn’t taste like raspberry, I’m going to stab someone.” –Lisa

3 boobs

Claymore Scotch- This is a scotch ale named for some sword. First, it was kind of carmel-y, then it was smoky. Overall, pretty good, and a little different than most beers we’ve tried. It also doesn’t taste like butterscotch if that’s what you were wondering.

“Wait a minute! This doesn’t taste like a sword!…Or scotch!!” –Lisa

3 boobs

Yeti Imperial Stout- This beer was kind of gross, and I enjoy most stouts. It tasted like you would think an unshowered Yeti would taste.

2 boobs

Smoked Baltic Porter- This porter has a subtle smoky flavor, which enhances the drinking experience, instead of making you feel like you walked into a forest fire. The official description refers to it as “smoldering” which made us want to drink it because it sounds like a sexy beer. Fun fact? It’s supposed to be eaten with veal.

3 boobs

Rumblewood IPA- It was finally an IPA that didn’t make me regret drinking it. However, that was because it was really weak, and didn’t have the usual burst of flavor that an IPA leaves you with.

“It’s a lie that it’s an IPA”

Julia- 3 boobs

Lisa- 2 boobs

Hoss- metallic aftertaste.

“I hate it.”

2 boobs

Titan IPA- This one made up for their previous pathetic attempt at an IPA, as it was bursting with flavor.

Lisa- 4 boobs

Julia- 3 boobs

Samurai- This is an unfiltered ale. There wasn’t much to say, as it didn’t have any taste.

2 boobs

 

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 45 other followers

%d bloggers like this:
compare-insurers.com