Tag Archives: Colorado

Parking Your Porsche Diagonally = Not Getting Laid Tonight (DRY DOCK BREWING COMPANY, Aurora)

20 May

For those of you generally quit reading within the first paragraph and don’t ever make it to the description of the beer, this isn’t the post to do that on. If anything, stop reading now and skip to the descriptions.

For those of you that just go for the boob/beer pic, you’re lucky enough to get TWO shots this time,  so you might want to move on as well.

For the one reader we have remaining with the attention span longer than 47 seconds (who is probably either dating one of us or trying to) here’s the story with this brewery.

We visited Dry Dock Brewing Company after going to Crate and Barrel and picking out matching napkin holders. Actually it was Copper Kettle Brewing Company but the experience is pretty much the same. Needless to say, with no male tricked into driving us one of us had to drive (not me!) I was *forced* to drink almost all the beer so this brewery got a bit hazy for me and resulted in multiple instances of vomiting (You should pity her. Our nights generally end with me yelling “Drink! We don’t leave any beer behind!” She’s such a trooper. –Julia).

Most notably when driving up, this brewery had the douche of all douches at it.  A Porsche (not even a very good one) was parked diagonally across two spots so that no one could park by his car and it would remain scratchless. Naturally, since we’re assholes (especially when we’ve been drinking a bit), this display of douchery was not going to fly. (Should we have shown more empathy because the poor man probably had a small penis? Maybe. –Julia)

After first parking CORRECTLY in the spot next to him we decided it would be MUCH more fitting to follow his lead and ensure that Julia’s Honda Civic also did not get any door dings.

NO ONE TOUCH MY CAR!!

As we parked, then backed out to repark to ensure that we were no more than 6 inches away from his precious Porsche, we noticed a man that must have been The Douche get up and stand in the window to stare at us intently. His face quickly twisted with anger  when I hastily opened the door with no regard for what is certainly the only thing he has in his life worth anything.

If he hadn’t left before us I would have  force vomited right next to his car just for funsies. Instead, he left before us and Julia’s car was left alone. Making it look like she was either a terrible lady driver, or a TOTAL baller. (I hope that this made people question what was so special about my car that I felt the need to park sideways. –Julia)

What up bitches? That's right, this is a 1998 Honda!

After waiting at the bar for an unreasonable amount of time we were finally given two pieces of paper with a drawing of a paddle to write the names of the beers we wanted for our samplers. Illiterate people should steer clear of this brewery as you will leave defeated and thirsty. They give you the beer on a paddle with holes in it for the beers to fit in which is clever since the whole theme of the brewery is nautical related. Which led to me exclaiming by the end of the evening, ”This brewery is wonderful! And makes me want to f*ck a sailor!”

Rowing my way to a table to sit at

They have glass windows so you can see into the whole brewing area and see what happened to be the unfortunate brewer that was there when we were.

What's that? More secret pictures? This time of men with unfortunate hairstyles?

Since they had a lot of beers we had to take breaks in between drinking.

BREAK #1

Vomit break so I could keep drinking the rest of the beers (She politely and calmly excuses herself too. –Julia)

BREAK #2

Vomit break with some champion rallying so I could finish all the beers

BREAK #3

Checking out the hot bald bartender and trying to take a pic of him since a hot bald man is VERY rare.

This sailor got a formal invite to swab my deck anytime

There were a lot of beers to try so we had two paddles.

Beer Descriptions!

Breakwater Pale Ale- Not as bitter as most pales.
J & L- 2 boobs

HMS Victory ESB – We were worried it would be terrible since ESB stands for Extra Shitty Beer. It starts out good, but then the end wasn’t great. Very malty.

3 boobs- still awful, but better than other ESBs

U Boat Hefeweisen- Waves of disgusting. It took everything that we hate about these types of beer (banana and cloves) and somehow enhanced it.

MOOB. In fact, this beer was the Porsche of Moobs.

Who likes the Germans, anyway? Except Matthew McConaghey. He’s hot and on a U-Boat.” (U571 reference)

Paragon Apricot Blonde - It smelled beautiful. The beer is light and delicious, and the apricot flavor tastes natural and overpowers your palate to just the right amount. As far as fruit beers goes this is a winner that even devout IPA drinkers (like myself) will admire.

4 AND A SIDE BOOBS

“I wish I knew what a paragon was. I want to have sex with it.”

HMS Old Ale - In general, we don’t like things that are old. That was just a phase. One that we realized wasn’t going to work out because either they tricked us into thinking they were fun but turned out to be 30 and boring, or that they wanted to have children and settle down and THAT certainly wasn’t going to happen. This beer tasted like raisins. Wrinkly old raisins.

2 boobs

Enterprise IPA- slightly hoppy. Not the best IPA, but nowhere near the worst.

3 boobs

Vanilla Porter- This beer BLEW OUR MINDS. It was like drinking vanilla extract. It was smooth and bursting with flavor.

4 AND A NIP SLIP

Double IPA - ??? We wrote nothing for this probably because we were both still speechless from the Orgasmic beer we had just had a small cat fight over who would get to finish it. (‘Why didn’t one of you just order that as another beer?’ you might be asking. I don’t know. Because. –Julia)

3 boobs

Belgian IPA- “I hate it. If I hadn’t just thrown up, I would have to now. It tastes like the swill of the Hefeweisen.”

MOOB

Pilsner- this is another beer that was just there. Don’t know if we’re just getting too used to specialty beers that we can’t tell when we come a cross a really good one anymore.

2 and a side

“It’s a pilsner. It’s a waste of time and water.”

Daywalker Ginger- This wins for the best name of a beer. It smelled like a spa (in a good way). It wasn’t bubbly and looked like juice. The ginger taste is strong. Good beer to swipe our Firk-card. At least we thought, until we realized that it wasn’t the Firkin Beer (It was a letdown that only sad virgins who don’t want to admit they’re virgins and pretend that oral counts as swiping their v-card then are found out and mocked know) .

4 boobs. This beer will need to go head to head with the Mountain Sun ginger beer.

We learned a valuable lesson about secret pictures at this brewery being that if the flash goes off, its no longer a secret picture. Especially when you’re sitting by the full length window and think it’s hilarious that there’s a guy smoking on a table while middle-aged women flock around him.

Standing on a table while smoking a cigarette does not make smoking any more attractive

There’s a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

8 Sep
This was a record setting weekend.
  • Record number of guest boobs (6)
  • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
  • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
  • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
Me: “I’m excited.”
Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

Like this cobbler.

And this brownie. And they didn't share.

In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

Delightful. All delightful.

Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
3 boobs

Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

Lisa – 3 Boobs

Julia – 4 Boobs

Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
“I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

Bitter. More so than other pales.

Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

2 Boobs

Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

3 boobs

There's a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

8 Sep
This was a record setting weekend.
  • Record number of guest boobs (6)
  • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
  • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
  • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
Me: “I’m excited.”
Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

Like this cobbler.

And this brownie. And they didn't share.

In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

Delightful. All delightful.

Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
3 boobs

Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

Lisa – 3 Boobs

Julia – 4 Boobs

Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
“I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

Bitter. More so than other pales.

Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

2 Boobs

Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

3 boobs

Ve had a Vonderful Time! (Vell, as much as you can in Fort Collins) – Fort Collins Brewery, FOCO

20 Aug

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Preface to this post is that we are very excited to visit the NEW location of the Fort Colllins Brewery and hope to make it up to their Grand Opening next weekend.

After the hectic afternoon of trying to hustle our way into the New Belgium Brewery, then the constant heckling from the guide I had to endure and finally the hilarity of being mean to parents at breweries, we headed towards our next Fort Collins adventure.

Bikes everywhere! You would've thought we were in Boulder, but with less civilization and more boring.

After a brief stop at Odells, where we learned that tours last about 5 minutes (we missed it because we were five minutes late) we headed towards the elusive Fort Collins Brewery. It wasn’t until much later that we realized we were going to have to visit Fort Collins AGAIN to visit this Odell’s and the Anheuser factory. This statemtn alone is grounds enough to ruin the rest of our summer.

This mystical brewery was never on our list. We didn’t even know it existed until about a month ago when I stumbled upon it on the 4th of July. I went to pick up beer for a BBQ at Total Beverage (one of the most magical liquor stores in the state, but that’s a completely different post) and while standing in front of the beer, was approached by some man, asking if I had tried the pomegranate wheat beer and if I’d like to sample some in the back.

My friend and I assumed this was legit, and that he probably wasn’t going to rape and murder us in the back of the store, so we followed.

(I’m really glad this was a legit back-room tasting that didn’t end in a double homicide because otherwise I would have to finish all the rest of these brewery visits on my own and there would be no one to document the trips with notes and pictures. – Lisa)

The pom-wheat beer was from a small brewery in Fort Collins aptly named the Fort Collins Brewery. I excitedly called Lisa, and we added it to our Fort Collins agenda (because Fort Collins is only okay when you have a very specific purpose, plan and time of escape).

We visited on one of the last days that FCB was located in a shanty, as they recently opened up a much larger facility. The tasting room was tiny, but the beer was pretty good.

I'm excited to see the new facility

At this point, we were pretty wasted, and there were no children around to harass, so our manpanions had to put up with our crap. (Since men and children are basically on the same level of maturity anyway this was essentially the same as harassing children but probably with less legal consequences).

THINGS THE BOYS WERE HARASSED ABOUT

1. Living in Virginia

2. Having a beard

3. Sweating (profusely)

4. Why they don’t enjoy having secret picture montages taken of them

5. Threats that if they keep offering opinions on beer, they’ll have to sit in the car

5. The need to correct people when they may/may not be wrong

Secret picture

About 20 pictures later, when he realized I was taking secret pictures

Lisa’s manpanion is a little more used to this type of drunken beratement from us, than my boyfriend is, so he knew to keep his mouth shut. My BF on the other hand, thought it would be a good idea to tell us that it’s not pronounced “Hefe-WEISAN” but instead “Hefe-VEISAN” which of course led to me and Lisa switching out our “w’s” for “v’s” for the rest of the afternoon (and thus, the title of this post.)

The afternoon ended with a trip to Qdoba and the car ride home where everyone except Lisa’s manpanion fell asleep (which was good, because he was driving.)

Lisa’s manpanion: “Everyone is asleep. You have to stay up and keep me company while I drive.”

Lisa: “No. But you may put your hand on my knee as I sleep.”

*Lisa passes out*

Now, on to the beers.

It's a rainbow of beer! (and boobs)

You get two boob shots today, because we were both so slutty

Chocolate Stout (or as I referred to it, Choco Stout. And if you personally know us, you probably know why I thought it was hilarious)- This was another solid beer. It was a little different that other stouts, as the chocolate flavor actually was distinguishable. Smooth, with a good aftertaste.

Julia: 4 boobs

Lisa: 3 boobs

Hefeweizen- Not vonderful. Although, ve liked it more than ve do most hefeweizens. Filtered, and tastes like bananas and cloves.

3 boobs

Hellebock- It was okay, but kind of tasted liked baby food. (Interesting that baby food tastes “Okay” by our standards)

2 boobs

Colorado Common- This was called the “beer of the Earth.” Don’t know what that means? Us either. This is why we are only doing one brewery a day from now on, because our notes make no sense.

3 boobs

Kidd Lager- A very smoky beer, tasted like bacon. And as we all know, you can’t go wrong when something tastes like bacon.

3 boobs

Z Lager- beery and smoky. Tasted similar to the Kidd, except tasted more like beer and less like a BBQ woodfire grill.

3 boobs

1900 Amber Lager- This was the best comparable to Coors beer yet. Light, and delicious (for a Coors-like beer)

3 boobs

Major Tom- This is apparently the beer they’re known for. Pretty much just consisted of me singing, “Ground control to Major Tom…” then silence because that’s all I know.

2 boobs

Pomegranate Wheat- A sweet beer, although it didn’t taste like pomegranate at all. Like with yogurt, apparently this is a fruit that people throw around the name of, but don’t actually use in the food/drink.

2 boobs (only because they lied)

Retro Red- this beer was a looker and a taster. It was the best red so far.

3 boobs

Rocky Mountain IPA- This is an IPA that stays with you. “It’s still in my mouth. I think it’s filtrated into my saliva”

Julia- 3 boobs

Lisa- 4 boobs

(I’m partial to anything with “Rocky Mountain” in the name and since this was an IPA it was marvelous – Lisa)

And so we leave you with this picture of table groping.

Get a room

Lisa: “Can you two please stop groping each other under the table? The rest of us would like to keep our beer down.”

Julia: “Well, that’s clearly the pot calling the kettle black here.”

Lisa: “All I heard in that sentence was pot.”

The Only Informational Post on this Blog (BOULDER BEER TOUR, BOULDER)

21 Jul

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Best Wrist Bracelet EVER

As we said in the previous post, it was necessary for us to split Boulder Beer into two trips, because of the brewery tour schedule that only is convenient for hobos and babies.

However, we’re glad that we took the time for this inconvenient tour, because it was the best one we’ve done so far! It was informational, we actually cared and were entertained, and…the tour ends in a room with 6 or 7 pitchers of free beer!

As usual, we were running a little bit late, thanks to me, so we got there about five minutes late. However, what we’ve learned after several instances of rushing places for tours (usually my fault), is that the Boulder breweries are pretty laid back about their tours, unlike New Belgium in Fort Collins, where it’s harder to get in than an elite nightclub.

Our tour guide immediately greeted us, and suggested we get beer before the tour began, and that he’d wait for us. (We also enjoy the tours where you are encouraged to start drinking before it even begins).

We started off in the room with the mash tanks, and got to actually see the guy working on it (This is the first time that’s happened. All the other breweries seem to work similar to the Wonka factory and have secret brewery oompa loompas that brew the beer when no one is looking).

We manged to escape this room with only two close encounters of ruining 50 barrels of beer.

Note: Don’t sneeze into the mashton tanks and try not to trip right in front of them sending yourself into 1,750 gallons of beer sludge.

This brewer was clearly not an ompa loompa

Pre-beer gooey sludge mess

During the rest of this hour-long tour we were taken through the entire process of beer making- from making the yeast to the actual brewing, to the bottling. Then we ended in the tasting room, where Boulder Beer supplied the tour with the pitchers of all of the beers.

At the end of the tour we also got to see some of the first ever canned version of Hazed and Infused as well as the miniature brew system that is available to any Boulder Beer employee that wants to try out and experiment in a small quantity of their own batch of beer which is where some of the most liked beers from Boulder Beer have started out.

Because we usually only half pay attention when people talk, even when it’s interesting, here are the highlights from the tour.

  • Boulder Beer is a 50 barrel brewhouse
  • They put their grist hopper in the wrong spot and have to use a giant tube to get it into the mash tanks. This could have been easily avoided if the original design of the brewery had been done BEFORE they were testing the beers.
  • "Shouldn't we put this by the mash tank?" "Details..."

  • Beer actually comes in barrels as a unit of measurement, but that term isn’t usually used because it would be a pain in the as to have to carry around a barrel, which is equivalent to 2 kegs. That’s why we have handy things like kegs and pony kegs. And Firkins.
  • There are two types of yeast used in their beers. Wheat beers have a special yeast.
  • Secret pictures aren’t so secret when you stick a camera up to someone’s neck, because someone else keeps pointing at their lanyard.
  • He just really wants to save the ocean!

  • Air is bad for beer, really bad.
  • We have no idea where this door goes. Speculation is that it would be a great trick to play on someone you don’t like.
  • Well mortal enemy, what you're looking for is right through that door...

  • It takes the yeast and beer 2-7 days to ferment
  • As the yeast gets cold, it sinks. That’s why the beer tanks are cone shaped.
  • Beer is pumped into aging tanks and sits there for weeks.
  • The same yeast can be used for 10 generations safely, and still give beer a great flavor.
  • There are several different types of hopping, including wet hopping and dry hopping.
  • You can only imagine how many times we snickered, and how many innuendos we made when our guide was talking about “dry hopping”
  • Men can’t be trusted to do anything right, including taking decent pictures. But check out the home-grown hops in the background! We were told none of this hops is actually used in the beers because someone planted it years ago, no one wrote down what kind it is; surprise, surprise.
  • It's like a really bad senior picture.

  • Malt is actually pretty good. It tastes like burnt toast.

    "I could eat this like a snack!"

  • Caramel malt is crunchy and kind of sweet.
  • Hops are weird. They look like rabbit pellets and have a very citrusy, floral smell- just like hoppy beers do.
  • "It looks like a rabbit pooped in your hand."

  • Bad things happen when you stick your hand into a machine.

I bet that guy regrets drinking on the job
  • Lisa hates everyone. (I was the only one that had to return to work after this tour was over and therefore didn’t get to enjoy the beers for as long as everyone else did, hence the angry face.  - Lisa)

Where the footjobs are plentiful (BOULDER BEER, BOULDER)

15 Jul

The whole place has such a Boulder vibe.

To start it should be noted that this brewery had to be done in two parts. First, obviously was the beer drinking and second was the actual tour of the brewery itself. We did the beer drinking a few weeks back and then had to wait for nice weekday to sneak out of work and head to the brewery for the tour because for some unknown reason Boulder beer only does brewery tours on WEEKDAYS at 2pm.

When we arrived to sample the beer and we first noticed a few key things.

1) We were really late – this is not surprising knowing Julia

2) The parking lot is very Boulderish and makes no sense at all and almost deterred from going at all

3) What looked to be EVERY employee was smoking in front of the building which means not only did we get blog content, some good beers and a lot of laughs but lung cancer too!

Even the straws are Bouldery- meaning they're smarmy and eco-friendly. You can see how we feel.

As previously stated we eat constantly so we all ordered food. Not just any food but the most fattening food on the menu. What better compliment to the empty calories we were about to consume in beer than some of the most fat filled foods you can get? Flawless female logic. (Kind of like how I go to the gym before every brewery. –Julia)

And all of it was delicious.

While waiting for our food we were asked by one of the other non-boobed group members (no this was not a highly athletic semi-lesbian female) but one of the males what we were going to do after we finished all our 30 brewery tours and subsequently had nothing more to write about.

The obvious progression for any good alliterative blogger is to continue down the alphabet. So be prepared for our follow-up blog- Cocaine, Cooters and Confined Spaces (We felt we should continue with something unhealthy, something dirty, and a place to do all of it).

I got irrationally angry at the waitress (admittedly) because she was singing and dancing to the awkward 80′s cover band and it was uncalled for. The males decided to challenge our blog with their own entitled “Burritos at Breweries” because every time we go to a brewery with food they order burritos. In case you were wondering it WILL feature a moob rating system.

As a result of Julia dropping her pen under the table, me wearing a short dress, and her taking pictures under the table of me trying to pick up the pen with my feet we also inadvertently started the “Cooters” portion of our next blog early.

I guess Julia's not that good at cooter capturing

 At this point it also got a bit awkward when I proclaimed that I am in fact “better with my feet”. For the rest of the night, the males referred to me as “Footjob”. All jokes aside, footjobs ARE possible.

(I just keep picturing you being an evil James Bond Nemesis. And killing good guys with your feet. After you bang, of course. –Julia)

After devouring his food in record time, one of the males began staring at everyone else’s food as they were still eating.

Male 1: “Do you want some of this?”

Male 2: “No, that’s okay…” 

As you can see by the picture he had his eyes on something else he was hoping to be offered by staring at them.

"Hey it worked for everything else I stared at..."

Our guest boob for the night was Sarah Megill! Since I generally don’t get along with females – EVER, I ran out of female friends after the first guest boob, which means we have to rely on Julia to provide us with additional females to accompany us on the remainder of the brewery tours.

(Good luck on that. I have approximately 5 female friends, Lisa included. If we were doing a blog involving gay men as our companions, we’d be SET –Julia)

Yay! Fun Sarah! (we know so many Sarahs we have to differentiate them somehow)

As we started with the beers we *astonishingly* realized one of the beers on the taster we had already had. Buffalo Gold is also served at the Walnut Brewery and because we were too lazy to ask we have no idea which brewery actually brews this.

I would hope though that if we had asked they would have passed blame to the other brewery. Yes, I said passed blame because this beer is sub-par, especially in comparison to the other beers they serve.

 We also noted most the beers weren’t very cold. but we seized the opportunity as an excuse to drink them faster.

Onto the beers.

The waitress kept looking at us awkwardly as we did this

Buffalo Gold- It’s been less than a week and we still hated it.
1 boob

Cold Hop Spring Ale – Bitter aftertaste.

“It tastes like flowers!”
“Yeah. Bitter flowers.”

Julia -2
Lisa -3 (only because Julia gave it a 2)

Pastime Ale- Not bitter, smells like fruit.
2 boobs

Singletrack Copper Ale- The name serves it justice. Tastes like copper.

“Tastes like if you got a penny stuck under my tongue, then drank a beer. Maybe just half a penny though, not the full thing.”

2 boobs

Sundance- nutty and hoppy
2 boobs

Sweaty Betty- Originally excited for this beer, but then realized it tastes like cloves and rotten bananas. The bananas freaked us out. It’s creative, but weird.
2 boobs (only for originality)

Hazed and Infused- The original. It’s powerful and delicious.
3 boobs

Flashback- “There’s a biscuit in this!” “This tastes like I got it in my nostril”

2 boobs

Lisa probably is smiling because she got an early start on the Cocaine, Cooters and Confined Spaces blog by snorting coke

Planet Porter- WEAKEST PORTER EVER. There wasn’t really a point

“It’s a lady porter. It’s the Smirnoff Ice of porters.”

1 boob, only because it was a disgrace to porters

Mojo Pale Ale- Wasn’t as good as Avery’s.

It PALES in comparison. HAHAHAHAHA.” -Lisa

To be fair, I found this beer was delicious and was only disappointed since it lacked the real kick that the comparable IPA’s had. Definitely a must order if you go to this brewery though.

3 Boobs

Blueberry Beer (seasonal) Kinda Blue- Tastes like tea. Would’ve been better had it not been flat and warm.
“Tastes like tea.”
“What kind of tea?”
“Shitty tea.”

3 Boobs

And that was that. Stay tuned for the review of the Boulder Beer tour, which we really liked. I leave you with this picture of my dress, which matched perfectly with my bra, making it the perfect drinking dress. You, know, just in case.

Gypsy Trickery in Golden COORS BREWERY, GOLDEN

7 Jul

Word of the Week- Gypsy Trickery

If you recall, this phrase was used in the Avery Post. You may have wondered exactly what it meant, and, seeing as that weekend (and this whole week, really) have been filled with gypsy trickery, we thought we should explain.

 Have you ever been tricked into doing something because you thought is was something else? Did someone guilt you into going somewhere awful? Have you ever been lured somewhere under false pretenses? Do you not pay taxes anywhere because you’re a vagabond? THIS IS GYPSY TRICKERY.

We spent the afternoon at the pool, which backfired horribly when we realized that Coors only gave tours until 4 pm. We booked it down to Golden (which, by the way, there is no easy way to get there from Westminster) and showed up about 30 minutes before the last tour bus left.

The nice parking attendant directed us to the line, while I panicked that we weren’t going to make it before the tours closed.

Julia: "What is this?" Amber: "That's a line. Also known as a queue in the UK"

Since we had some time to kill, we began taking pictures with the Coors sign as though it was a celebrity.

We started a trend. Everyone else after us started taking this same picture.

In line, we discussed the merits of bringing children on brewery tours, since they seem to be plaguing us wherever we go. The general consensus was that children don’t belong on brewery tours, and if you as a parent are dragging them along it doesn’t make you “cool” or “hip”.

It pretty much just means you’re setting your child up to be a drunk frat boy, or a drunk whore who those frat boys will sleep with.

It also proves that you as the parent either got pregnant too young and are now attempting to squeeze every last ounce of your youth out of your life but are too cheap to afford a babysitter or you actually think bringing your child to an alcohol factory is a good “family” activity. Either way, it’s a shame you were allowed to procreate anyway.

She'll probably make many, many men very happy someday

*Also, as the sign below reminds us, you cannot bring in more things for your child than necessary. I accidentally loudly made a comment questioning how I was going to use my pretend child as a liquor mule if I wasn’t allowed to bring a diaper bag. (It’s awfully troubling that Coors felt the likelihood of parents using their children as alcohol smuggling devices was so great it warranted a sign to prohibit it. –Lisa)

We actually didn’t have to wait for too long. Coors is really good about continually having busses picking up and dropping people off from the brewery. At first we thought it was strange that they were sending a bus to drive us about two blocks from the parking lot, but as soon as we boarded it became clear this was a gypsy bus.

“Welcome to Golden, Colorado, home of Coors Brewery, Buffalo Bill’s Grave and the School of Mines. On your left, is Olde Town Golden…blah blah blah.”

We had been gypsy tricked into going on a tour of Golden (which is not that exciting, hence the trickery to get anyone to do it.)

Lisa got gypsy tricked into sitting alone on the bus

About 10 minutes later we finally pulled up in front of the brewery, I told Amber that from now on, every time someone gets in my car for me to drive them anywhere, I’m going to take them on a tour of Arvada and my childhood, regardless of where our destination is.

The bus driver assured us that the pools of water surrounding the brewery that actually looked more like black tar were NOT used to make the beer but instead to clean things. Phew. How horrible would that be if a Coors beer actually had some flavor to it?
The first thing we had to do when we were inside was take a tourist picture in front of a cheesy background that we could buy at the end of our tour for the low, low price of 19.99!!

Then, they swiped our driver’s licenses and gave us personalized bracelets (which could double as hospital/prison admittance bracelets later in the day depending on how the tour went), and what looked like cell phones from the 80s.

I'm going to have to call you back. I need to crank the battery in the backpack for my phone so it doesn't die.

These turned out to be our tour guides for the day. The desk lady explained that we were supposed to press the number that coordinated to whichever one was on the wall and put the phone up to our ear to hear what they had to say.

The information probably was interesting, but I honestly don’t see how self-tours benefit Coors. Most of the people around us weren’t listening to any of the stops. They were instead rushing to the three free beers at the end. In fact, there was even an option at the start of the tour to forgo the 80’s cell phone tour guide all together and just meander to the tasting room for the free beer. If they really want to make the tour more interesting they should hold races to see who can run past the educational exhibits and drink all three free beers the fastest (bonus points for knocking the most small children into vats of beer along the way!)

However, we took the time to kind of do the tour. This is what followed.

  • Did you know that Coors is made from water from the Colorado Rockies? You probably could’ve guessed, since ALL OF THEIR BEER TASTES LIKE WATER.
  • There are a bunch of flowers all over the brewery because Adolph Coors’s wife really liked flowers.
  • Large boobs are great places to hold things.

We had to figure out some way to juggle our drinking, purses and 80s phones

  • There are subliminal messages in the self-tour. Whenever the man doing the voiceover would mention a Coors beer, a softer woman’s voice would immediately whisper it afterwards. Lisa and I both heard it. Amber didn’t. I guess we know which one of us is going to end up in a cult drinking Kool Aid someday.

What's that, lady's voice? You want me to do WHAT?

  • The Coors Brewery in Golden is the largest self-contained brewery in the world. This means they do all of the brewing, packaging and distribution from there. Which is kind of cool.
  • Acid might be the secret ingredient in their beer. Okay, probably not, but this room was hilarious.

I just bought you these flowers to apologize for the acid spill...

  • There is an elusive Red Keystone. The only place you ever hear about it is the brewery. It’s not sold anywhere. No one knows why this is. And I couldn’t ask, because the 80s cell phone wasn’t answering ANY of my questions.

They cryogenically froze the last one, so that they could bring it back to life in the future, when they have the right technology

Finally we found some really awesome cutouts of giant Coors beer and the proper tourist picture taking commenced. We even talked a stranger into taking the picture of us and didn’t end up with them asking us if we stalking them OR them walking away horribly offended!

These were really cold. You can tell, because the mountains on the bottle are blue

We also came up with the best Halloween costumes ever. Lisa, Amber and I are going to be Slutty Keystones.

 

Amber: “I’m going to be Key Light because I go down easy”

Lisa: “I’m going to be Key Red because I’m a tease”

Julia: “I’m going to be Key Ice, I guess…because no one likes me?” (Picture me looking sad)

 

Finally we reached the mecca of shitty beers- otherwise known as the Coors Tasting Room. You get 3 free, pretty decently-sized beers. They’re all on tap and you’re supposed to be impressed because they’ve never left the brewery. It was kind of crowded, you have to finish one beer before they’ll give another, and old ladies will poach your table as soon as you get up, even if you’re planning on coming right back. Did we mention there’s small children running around making messes everywhere? Thanks again responsible parents!

Now, for the beers. Keep in mind we spent most of college drinking an array of Coors products. These are the staples that we compare all of the other beers we drink to, so the descriptions were incredibly hard.

Blue Moon- It tastes like Blue Moon. It’s a light, wheat beer with just a hint of citrus to it. Best served with an orange. It’s a good staple beer if you’re at a bar with limited choices and you want to be slightly classier than everyone else, but not too douchey.

Amber and Lisa- 2 boobs

Julia- 3 boobs

Honey Moon- This is just like Blue Moon, only sweeter.

“I expected to get stung by a bee. It was THAT sweet.”

3 boobs

Molson- “It takes like Key light, only Canadian. Yeah. You know what I mean.”

1 boob

Batch 19- This is their strongest beer. It’s still not great, but it gypsy tricks you into thinking it’s better than it is because it gets your drunk quicker.

2 and a side boob

*Note, we’ve added side boobs into the equation. We don’t believe in half boobs, because that’s dumb, but side boobs make sense. It’s when you’re shirt is just a little too small and you get that weird amount of boob that kind of spills out the side. See: Lisa most of our time in Vegas.

Killians- It’s a red beer, and it definitely tastes like copper.

“For a beer that’s never left the brewery, I expected this to be better.”

2 boobs

Colorado Native- this is the newest beer from Coors, and they’re pretending that it comes from some small, side brewery in the middle of the mountains. It’s their shot at a “craft beer” because they realized that they weren’t going to be able to cut it in Colorado anymore. It’s a solid, mass-produced beer.

“I can’t tell if it’s good or not. It might be like being the smartest kid on the short bus…”

3 boobs

Our outing ended with a stop at the gift shop, where we realized we were JUST drunk enough that buying stuff seemed like a good idea. Gypsy tricked again.

Thanks to Amber for being a guest boob. And for not smashing things when you got angry.

The Time Everyone Got Really Bored With the Beer (WALNUT BREWERY, BOULDER)

27 Jun
After we finished our samplers at Avery, we headed over to Megan’s to regroup and decide on our next stop. Originally we had hoped to go to at least two more breweries, but quickly decided that ending up blackout drunk on a Saturday afternoon was not classy. And with a blog title like “Boobs, Breweries and Beer” we really know how to keep it classy.

We decided to go to Walnut Brewery, just off of Pearl Street in Boulder because it was walking distance. (Damn we’re good role models.)

This was the coolest thing about this place.

Megan excitedly ran upstairs to her house to get her Mug Card (Walnut does a special program, where you get a Mug Card and every time you have a beer, you get points for it. Once you reach a certain amount of points, you get a really big cup and can fill it up for a cheaper price. If we had enjoyed any of their beers, we probably would’ve been more excited about this program).

*Side note- At this point in our day, Lisa kept claiming she felt completely fine, but had begun talking to animals. On the drive over, she waved quite earnestly at a dog in a truck and was offended he didn’t wave back. She tried again later in the day and luckily this time she was able to discern between dog and human and got a firefighter to wave back. For those of you keeping track, we’re 2 for 4 for spotting firefighters at breweries. This behavior continued the rest of the afternoon, as she communicated with 2 spiders, a very dirty cat that was missing patches of fur and a bird that clearly had a beak too big for its body. See pictures below.

Talking to her new friend, a spiderShe was like a really drunk Disney Princess

 

We decided to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather. As you can see, the scenery was riveting.

This made us miss rooftop patios

As we went to sit down, the man at the next table looked over at us.

“Weren’t you guys just at Avery? Are you stalking us?” he joked.

Although this does seem like something we would do, normally Lisa and I keep our stalking limited to “online investigative journalism” or to attractive men who have money.

We informed him that we weren’t, but proceeded to have a delightful conversation with him and his wife. We even convinced them to take an Honorary Boob picture.

Because apparently we can’t go anywhere without eating, we ordered the ballpark pretzels and also the flaming cheese.

Soon we’re going to have to rename the blog “Boob’s, Breweries, and Double Chins"

We ordered the sampler which consisted of 8 beers, plus we added on a seasonal sampler which actually changes about every month.

"Remember that time we had 17 beers at Avery? Me too. I miss that"

Onto the beer reviews.

If this post seems mildly indifferent and not as sparkling as usual, that’s because that’s how I would describe Walnut Brewery and its beers. They’re nice, but they’re not great. The food was decent, the beer was decent, the scenery was decent. This brewery is riding on the fact that they’re pretty much in the heart of Boulder.

As we sampled the beers and became more and more dissatisfied, Megan insisted that she’d enjoyed the beers here before. “A lot of times, I get combinations of two beers.” This was a serious tip-off that we were in for an unenjoyable series of beer.

We decided to do that with our last two samplers. It didn’t help. We all agreed that a beer should be good enough to stand on its own, and overall, none of the beers at Walnut Brewery were able to do that. The good news is the sampler was very cheap, with each 4 oz. beer costing less that $1. The bad news is that none of the beers excited us. At all. Had we been on a date with these beers none of us would have heard word he said but assumed he was an accountant and obviously have no personal interests, goals, or friends. While we would recommend Walnut as a slightly nicer place to go in Boulder, go for the food. Don’t go for the beer.

Then we all got kind of tired.

Now, for the beers.

Seasonal Wheat- This beer tasted really similar to the white rascal. It had a very fruity aftertaste, which seemed to taste strongly like bananas and fructose.

Megan: “If diabetes was a beer. This would be it.”

2 boobs

Buffalo Gold – This is the basic beer at Walnut. It was good, but very non-descript. This is their version of Coors. It’s just kind of there.

(This was the point that Lisa started talking to birds.)

"Did you see him hop? Did you see how big his beak was compared to his body?"

Indian Pale Ale- Again, this was a very general beer (do you notice a theme for this post yet?)

“This beer is the equivalent of that really nice guy your friend sets you up with. He’s nice and you go out with him a few times to appease everyone, but then you tell him you’re not looking for a relationship. This beer is missing the zsa-zsa-zu.”

2 boobs

James Red Ale- Okay, this review is just becoming sad. I didn’t even bother to write anything in my notes for this one. That’s how boring it was.

Julia: “I just spilled it on myself.”
Lisa: “You should’ve expected that.”

2 boobs

Big Horn Bitter- This was a not-so-bitter bitter beer.

Megan and Julia – 1 Boob
Lisa – 2 Boobs

Old Elk Brown Ale- This one tasted like Reverend Bathtub at Avery. Which means that it wasn’t flavorful as you drank it, then tasted like dishwater after.

2 Boob

Devil’s Thumb- – Again, we actually had nothing to say and at this point were considering not drinking any of the rest of the beer.

1 Boob

White Pelican Pilsner – Worst pilsner ever.

1 Boob

No one had a favorite. No one could even really come up with a Top 3 list.

Walnut Brewery=Meh.

Beer with a Personality (and a really dirty mind) AVERY BREWERY, BOULDER

25 Jun

I knew the day was off to a good start for two reasons, before the tours even began.

  1. I went to kickboxing at my gym in the morning so that I could justify drinking the rest of the day.
  2. Lisa managed to get ready in 12 minutes flat because of a previous late night of drinking, and we were speeding down the highway going 20 mph over so that we make it to the 2 PM tour at Avery Brewery.

Avery is a brewing company located in Boulder. They’ve been there for over 15 years and are run by a father and son. According to our tour guide, the younger Avery was suffering from a quarterlife crisis and convinced his dad to invest in a brewery instead of retiring. It worked out well, as all of the Avery Beers had unique flavors (even if we didn’t like all of them) and an awesome tour and tasting room.

Phil, our tour guide took us around to the vats that hold the barley. Apparently, they gypsy-trick the barley into thinking that it’s going to grow into real plants, which give them better barley for the beer.

We nodded knowingly. We've all been there. Like when a boy gypsy-tricks you into sleeping with him.

*(Along with not using fancy beer terminology to describe the beers, don’t expect us to give you detailed explanations of the tours. We aren’t going to tell you every time how beer is made. We also are bad at remembering statistics and numbers. And finally, Julia has a hard time walking and writing. This particular tour had a requirement for each person to have a beer in hand so that made just paying attention difficult.)

Phil also showed us the container where they dump all of the hops and yeast and everything after it’s not useful. Apparently, farmers collect it from them and feed it to their cows which was noted that it “relaxes” the cows. He also said that when it snows or rain, it all mixes and makes some sort of swill beer.

We nodded knowingly. This container is like the whore girl who sleeps with everyone. See: Sperm Dumpster.

He then took us to the brewing area where they make the beer. It’s really hard to lift the ingredients into the vats, so they have a pulley system they use that dips the ingredients into the water and yeast. They referred to this as teabagging. We snickered. We liked this brewery. They’re dirty.

Phil took us to their bottling room and explained the process. It’s relatively boring but the key take-away was clean bottles are important and you can’t let oxygen touch the beer in the bottling process because it will turn into soggy cardboard. A noteworthy detail was that Avery beers can be distinguished from other beers by the fact that they have a gold foil that goes over the top of the cap and when other breweries try to do it the outcome is “cute” but not successful.

This is why I started taking secret pictures, along with this gem of the saddest tattoo ever. My flash went off, and I almost got caught. But it was worth it.

How he had a girlfriend is beyond us. What are those? Sad people in a city? That will be there FOREVER.

As we walked into the bottling room, Lisa poked me and pointed out this.

That's a small plastic Ron Jeremy sucking his own penis, in case you were wondering.

 We later found out they call their packing machine Ron Jeremy (Get it? Get it? I told you, this brewery is AWESOME).

The tour ended in the Crew Room. They have all kinds of barrels from all over the world and with all different flavors that they use to age some of their beers and create whole new ones.

Secret picture of Phil, our awesome tour guide. And the barrels.

They have a guy who breeds his own bacteria. Before entering this room we had to make a pit stop back at the tap room so people could get more beer since having an empty cup at any point during this tour was cause for harrasment.

This seems like the beginning of a horror/sci fi film. One that I would like to see.

And so ended the beer tour as Lisa leaned over to me to whisper, “I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Let’s go drink.”

With this disturbing bit of information, we decided to call in reinforcement boobs. Seeing as I usually get drunk off of one beer and Lisa was struggling to rally (although she did a beautiful job of it).

Thanks to Megan for being our guest boob for the week. Your beer reviews were thought-provoking and spot-on (except for the beef jerky one). You’re welcome anytime to join us again.

Megan, your beer is missing an orange.

We were only able to order 15 beers (they have restrictions for how many each person is

allowed to have), but it was a pretty sizeable task. Luckily we had already tried out 2 of them from the tour so in the end all but the specialty, seasonal ones were tasted and rated.

We also ordered slices of tomato and basil pizza, which were delicious and a key role in the rallying efforts to get through the whole platter of beers.

Because we eat everywhere we go

Final thoughts-  Avery was the best one so far (probably not saying much as we’ve only done one actual tour and been to four breweries). The tour was informative, relaxed and fun. All of the people around us were very friendly. We actually learned something about beer (granted, we forgot it later, but still).

The most interesting thing that I gleaned from the tour was what Phil said about their beer.

“Every brewer makes beer the same way. The ingredients and the process doesn’t change. What makes beers different is the personality of the brewers who make them. Here at Avery, we are all a bunch of really athletic and competitive people, and this shows up in our beers. We are always pushing each other to go to the extremes- whether it be a certain taste, or a higher alcohol content, we are always challenging each other to be the best.”

Now, for the beers.

Joe’s Premium American Pilsner- This was the basic beer. It was good, but not very flavorful. (this seems to be a reoccurring trend at each brewery).

Megan: “It’s like mild Mexican food. You expect it to have more of a kick or a taste, but it’s just lacking.”

2 boobs

14er ESB

 

Lisa: “There’s trash in this”

“That’s a bubble”
( I was clearly still drunk from the night before at this point seeing as how we were only on our second beer – Lisa)

2 boobs

Ellie’s Brown Ale- This was a really nice darker ale. It had a sweeter chocolate flavor.

Megan: “Does this taste like beef jerky to anyone else?…Wait, no, I think it’s buffalo jerky.”

BLANK STARES.

Out of Bounds Stout- This is your basic stout. It’s more bitter and richer flavored than the Brown Ale, but still has a similar taste.

3 boobs

Ball Smack!! Baltic Porter- we figured that since it had exclamation points in its name, it had to be good. And we weren’t really let down. It did kind of give us coffee breath afterwards, but was a good porter.

Megan: ”Do you think it’s called Ballsmack because it’s a hoppy beer? And your balls would smack while hopping around?”

(Get drunk. Then that quote will make more sense.)

3 boobs

India’s Pale Ale- This is the Avery beer that is usually on tap at other places. It looks just like sparkling cider, with a golden, bubbly appearance. You feel classy just looking at it.

“It’s solid.”

4 boobs

Dry Hopped IPA- This is similar to the pale ale, but not as good. It takes an extra swallow to get it down.

3 boobs

15th Anniversary- this beer tastes like your grandmother’s perfume. It’s sweet and flowery. This beer is made with hibiscus, white pepper and fig, which is a unique combination. There is almost too much going on with this beer, and so our rating was split.

J and M- 3 boobs

L- 1 boob

Salvation Belgian Style Golden Ale- It tasted like apricot, which is good, because that’s what’s in it.

3 boobs

Reverend Belgian Style Quadruple Ale- this had the highest alcohol content at 10%. The aftertaste was like stale dishwater, as if fresh dishwater would be any better.

1 boob

“We will call this one Reverend Bathwater from here on forward.”

Hog Heaven Barley Wine Style Ale- Very malty.

Julia: “The glass just stuck to my teeth! I don’t know if that’s the beer or their poor washing abilities, but its affecting my thoughts on the beer.”

2 boobs

17th Anniversary- It smells like sugar and tastes like trees.

3 boobs

Maharia Imperial India Pale Ale- flavorful aftertaste.

3 boobs

Karma- It’s a good beer, until it gets warm. Then it’s a terrible beer.

3 boobs (when cold)

1 boob (when warm)

White Rascal- Wheatiest of the wheat. Pretty good.

3 boobs

Boobs on the Road (Brewery Schedule)

25 Jun

So after a wasting a humiliating amount of time trying to figure our how to integrate a Google Calendar into WordPress I’ve conceded that its impossible. Here’s the tentative schedule of which breweries we’ll be visiting this summer.

If you’re thinking of asking one of us to dinner, don’t bother. But, if you’re thinking of asking BOTH of us to dinner we suggest taking us to one of these places that aren’t scheduled but are on the list of breweries to be visited.

Breweries Yet to be Scheduled

Flying Dog

Vine Street Pub
Bull and Bush
Upslope
Cheeky Monk
Pints Pub
Mountain Sun

May 15
Oskar Blues

June 17
Tommyknockers

June 19

Avery Brewery

Walnut Brewery

June 26
Coors

Golden City Brewery (rained out)

July 3 and 4
Wynkoop (still need to do a brewery tour)
Great Divide
Sandlot

July 9
New Belgium
Fort Collins Brewery

July 17 and 18
Breckenridge Beer Fest!!!!
Breckenridge Brewery
Dillon Dam
Backcountry Brewery

July 22
Strange Brewing Company

July 24
Wynkoop Tour

July 31/Aug 1
Pumphouse
Left Hand

August 8
Estes Park
Twisted Pine

August 14
Anheiser Bush
Odell’s Brewery

August 21
Del Norte
Dry Dock

August 28

September 18
Great American Beer Festival

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