Tag Archives: boobs

I have a Disney shirt. I wear it when I don’t want to get laid. (TWISTED PINE, Boulder, CO)

10 Aug
Going to CU for 4 years meant that we have become familiar with several of the small liquor stores in Boulder, and even if they didn’t carry a lot of craft beers, we would always notice the Twisted Pine as we passed it over for our 30 rack of Keystone Light. So, on a weekday night, we decided to take a trip up to Boulder to go to the Twisted Pine Brewery.

The taps are really cool- they're all made from Twisted Pine

We ended up getting there about an hour before closing, and besides the hillbilly party happening on the front patio, the place was deserted. After apologizing to the bartender for coming in so late and promising to be gone before it closed, we awkwardly took a seat at the table and ordered one of the larger samplers we’ve seen at a brewery.

AMAZING

What’s nice about the taproom is that not only are there generally specials going on most nights, but they also have a food menu. Sadly, there was no specials nor food the evening we were there (because it was so late). Dan looked like he was about to murder me and Lisa when our waitress informed us of the food situation, since the only reason he went was because we promised him a meal.
Instead, he had to settle for chips and salsa, which he ate as though his life depended on it.

Although, he's so skinny his life actually MAY have depended on it.

It was around this time what we realized he was wearing a Disneyland  t-shirt.

The most magical place on Earth!

This led to a LONG discussion about Disney, if it’s fun to go as an adult (its not due to the fact that there would be children EVERYWHERE), and Lisa asking why anyone over the age of 5 would wear a Disney shirt.
“I have a Disney shirt. But I wear it when I’m not planning on getting laid,” I said. And then it got awkward AGAIN. (And it’s true. The shirt is a pink tank top with really thick shoulders and I look like a linebacker lesbian when I wear it).
(If you’ve already used the “I have a headache” card this week try putting on a shirt that reminds a man of children and you’re off the hook for sex. –Lisa)
After consoling Dan that he wasn’t going to get laid that night by anyone (which almost turned out not to be true), we encouraged Lisa to continue drinking. It was taking so long to finish the samples that I started to get bored.

I hope there’s a coupon for a Disneyland vacation in here! 
Since I couldn’t drink very much because I was driving, and Dan refused to touch the samplers after we drank from them because we have cooties, it fell on Lisa’s shoulders to take one for the team and finish the beers. We challenged her to finish them before closing (which was about 9 minutes away).
15 beers. 9 minutes. Very doable. I’ll never turn down a beer drinking challenge even if vomiting is imminent. – Lisa

This was true dedication

She almost made it, and finished a minute after 9.

We attempted to get a picture of the hillbilly party, but instead ended up with what would make a fantastic engagement picture

Then we left to go get real food, and were sexually harassed while waiting at a light by a car filled with unattractive people. The girl in the front who resembled a well-groomed horse kept hooting at Dan, the one in the back kept making crying noises like a baby and we all looked horrified, especially when the one male in their car suggested that we do a lady swap.
One gentleman and 3 unattractive ladies ≠ one gentleman and 2 attractive ladies.
NO swap was made despite their repeated efforts.
As soon as the light turned green, we sped off, only to be stuck at the following light next to them again. To this day, if anyone mentions Twisted Pine the response is, “Oh yeah! That was the night that Julia was a shitty driver and we almost got molested. 3 times.”
If ever a justification to run a red light with cameras, this was it. -Lisa
Now, for the beers.

Boob Ratings

Blonde Ale – Crisp, light taste

Lisa – 3 boobs
Julia – 4 boobs

RM Wheat – Tastes the same as the blonde but with a little more bite in aftertaste which overall doen’t make it a very good beer

Lisa – 2 boobs
Julia – 3 boobs

Raspberry Wheat – This ACTUALLY tastes like the fruit it says it does ( take note Fort Collins Brewery Pomegranate Wheat beer).  This beer is pretty good for a fruit beer as long as you don’t have anything to compare it to. (Which, unfortunately we did because we’d been drinking Sea Dog Raspberry Wheat by the pool the previous weekend)

Julia and Lisa – 3 Boobs

American Amber – For an amber, this started off pretty good. It didn’t have that bitter, copper taste that ambers are known for. But it was a gyspy trick.

“I don’t hate it…. Oh wait. There’s the aftertaste”

Lisa – 4 boobs

Julia – 3 boobs

Hoppy Boy – This is the regular IPA of the brewery which would be ok had they not had their Hoppy Man Imperial IPA that was twice the beer that this one was. We’ll choose a man over a boy any day.

“That’s what happens when you get smarter. You like IPA’s”

Julia and Lisa – 2 boobs

Raspberry Espresso – This was a combination of their raspberry beer and also their expresso stout (hence, the name.) We were really excited about it, because who doesn’t love weird beer combinations? Unfortunately, the raspberry gets overpowered COMPLETLTY by the Espresso flavor.

Key takeaway from this beer:  A brewery should try to refrain from combining two beers into one even if they are fantastic standalone beers.

Julia and Lisa – 1 boob

Honey Brown Ale – Nice. Smooth. Nutty and Brown.

Julia and Lisa – 3 boobs

Creamy Style Stout – This was a good beer. It was dark and smooth and just slipped down your throat. Unfortunately, I dislike beers that have the word “milk” or “cream” in their name. Something about the texture is unnerving.

Julia: “I don’t like stouts that are too smooth”.

Lisa: “Prepare to be terrified”

Julia – 2 boobs
Lisa – 4 boobs

Espresso Stout – Strong Black coffee taste. We still have out doubts that this was actually a beer or not. If we could start our mornings off with this beer, we would.

Julia – 3 and a side boob

Lisa – 4 boobs

Blueberry Blonde – This is like eating a blueberry muffin except better. Anything is better with alcohol, especially baked goods. But seriously, the blueberry flavor was robust and lingered. And not in a bad way.

Julia – 4 boobs

Lisa – 4 and a side boob

Billy’s Chilies – Taste like a green chili burrito however it smells like butter. Anyone that’s ever ventured outside of the 3 refrigerators at a liquor store that contain the staple beers has probably seen this beer and didn’t know it was from this brewery. It barely says the brewery name on the bottle, and doesn’t follow the branding scheme but it worth trying if you’re in a daring mood. We also don’t recommend a 6-pack of these unless you have 5 friends to share them with or you are truly a Mexican that is sustained by spicy chili products.

3 and a side boob (mostly for creativity) 

Imperial Porter – AMAZING. So much alcohol but tastes like chocolate ice cream. 10.5%

Dark bitter taste. Thick like you could make pudding out of it. And who doesn’t <3 pudding?

Barelywine (Thunderstruck) – Sour, potent 9.5%

Julia – 2 boobs

The beer was named after an AC/DC song, so Lisa drank it in a rocker fashion.

Le Petit Saison – Stella glass. Everything we hate about hefferveisen beer.

1 MOOB 

Imperial IPA – Crown Jewel. Hoppy Man. Manly Strength. There should be a warning on this beer that it WILL dominate you.

Julia and Lisa – 4 boobs

Because we liked the Imperial IPA so much we wanted to have a represetative picture of the Hoppy Boy and the Hoppy Man.

Parking Your Porsche Diagonally = Not Getting Laid Tonight (DRY DOCK BREWING COMPANY, Aurora)

20 May

For those of you generally quit reading within the first paragraph and don’t ever make it to the description of the beer, this isn’t the post to do that on. If anything, stop reading now and skip to the descriptions.

For those of you that just go for the boob/beer pic, you’re lucky enough to get TWO shots this time,  so you might want to move on as well.

For the one reader we have remaining with the attention span longer than 47 seconds (who is probably either dating one of us or trying to) here’s the story with this brewery.

We visited Dry Dock Brewing Company after going to Crate and Barrel and picking out matching napkin holders. Actually it was Copper Kettle Brewing Company but the experience is pretty much the same. Needless to say, with no male tricked into driving us one of us had to drive (not me!) I was *forced* to drink almost all the beer so this brewery got a bit hazy for me and resulted in multiple instances of vomiting (You should pity her. Our nights generally end with me yelling “Drink! We don’t leave any beer behind!” She’s such a trooper. –Julia).

Most notably when driving up, this brewery had the douche of all douches at it.  A Porsche (not even a very good one) was parked diagonally across two spots so that no one could park by his car and it would remain scratchless. Naturally, since we’re assholes (especially when we’ve been drinking a bit), this display of douchery was not going to fly. (Should we have shown more empathy because the poor man probably had a small penis? Maybe. –Julia)

After first parking CORRECTLY in the spot next to him we decided it would be MUCH more fitting to follow his lead and ensure that Julia’s Honda Civic also did not get any door dings.

NO ONE TOUCH MY CAR!!

As we parked, then backed out to repark to ensure that we were no more than 6 inches away from his precious Porsche, we noticed a man that must have been The Douche get up and stand in the window to stare at us intently. His face quickly twisted with anger  when I hastily opened the door with no regard for what is certainly the only thing he has in his life worth anything.

If he hadn’t left before us I would have  force vomited right next to his car just for funsies. Instead, he left before us and Julia’s car was left alone. Making it look like she was either a terrible lady driver, or a TOTAL baller. (I hope that this made people question what was so special about my car that I felt the need to park sideways. –Julia)

What up bitches? That's right, this is a 1998 Honda!

After waiting at the bar for an unreasonable amount of time we were finally given two pieces of paper with a drawing of a paddle to write the names of the beers we wanted for our samplers. Illiterate people should steer clear of this brewery as you will leave defeated and thirsty. They give you the beer on a paddle with holes in it for the beers to fit in which is clever since the whole theme of the brewery is nautical related. Which led to me exclaiming by the end of the evening, ”This brewery is wonderful! And makes me want to f*ck a sailor!”

Rowing my way to a table to sit at

They have glass windows so you can see into the whole brewing area and see what happened to be the unfortunate brewer that was there when we were.

What's that? More secret pictures? This time of men with unfortunate hairstyles?

Since they had a lot of beers we had to take breaks in between drinking.

BREAK #1

Vomit break so I could keep drinking the rest of the beers (She politely and calmly excuses herself too. –Julia)

BREAK #2

Vomit break with some champion rallying so I could finish all the beers

BREAK #3

Checking out the hot bald bartender and trying to take a pic of him since a hot bald man is VERY rare.

This sailor got a formal invite to swab my deck anytime

There were a lot of beers to try so we had two paddles.

Beer Descriptions!

Breakwater Pale Ale- Not as bitter as most pales.
J & L- 2 boobs

HMS Victory ESB – We were worried it would be terrible since ESB stands for Extra Shitty Beer. It starts out good, but then the end wasn’t great. Very malty.

3 boobs- still awful, but better than other ESBs

U Boat Hefeweisen- Waves of disgusting. It took everything that we hate about these types of beer (banana and cloves) and somehow enhanced it.

MOOB. In fact, this beer was the Porsche of Moobs.

“Who likes the Germans, anyway? Except Matthew McConaghey. He’s hot and on a U-Boat.” (U571 reference)

Paragon Apricot Blonde - It smelled beautiful. The beer is light and delicious, and the apricot flavor tastes natural and overpowers your palate to just the right amount. As far as fruit beers goes this is a winner that even devout IPA drinkers (like myself) will admire.

4 AND A SIDE BOOBS

“I wish I knew what a paragon was. I want to have sex with it.”

HMS Old Ale - In general, we don’t like things that are old. That was just a phase. One that we realized wasn’t going to work out because either they tricked us into thinking they were fun but turned out to be 30 and boring, or that they wanted to have children and settle down and THAT certainly wasn’t going to happen. This beer tasted like raisins. Wrinkly old raisins.

2 boobs

Enterprise IPA- slightly hoppy. Not the best IPA, but nowhere near the worst.

3 boobs

Vanilla Porter- This beer BLEW OUR MINDS. It was like drinking vanilla extract. It was smooth and bursting with flavor.

4 AND A NIP SLIP

Double IPA - ??? We wrote nothing for this probably because we were both still speechless from the Orgasmic beer we had just had a small cat fight over who would get to finish it. (‘Why didn’t one of you just order that as another beer?’ you might be asking. I don’t know. Because. –Julia)

3 boobs

Belgian IPA- “I hate it. If I hadn’t just thrown up, I would have to now. It tastes like the swill of the Hefeweisen.”

MOOB

Pilsner- this is another beer that was just there. Don’t know if we’re just getting too used to specialty beers that we can’t tell when we come a cross a really good one anymore.

2 and a side

“It’s a pilsner. It’s a waste of time and water.”

Daywalker Ginger- This wins for the best name of a beer. It smelled like a spa (in a good way). It wasn’t bubbly and looked like juice. The ginger taste is strong. Good beer to swipe our Firk-card. At least we thought, until we realized that it wasn’t the Firkin Beer (It was a letdown that only sad virgins who don’t want to admit they’re virgins and pretend that oral counts as swiping their v-card then are found out and mocked know) .

4 boobs. This beer will need to go head to head with the Mountain Sun ginger beer.

We learned a valuable lesson about secret pictures at this brewery being that if the flash goes off, its no longer a secret picture. Especially when you’re sitting by the full length window and think it’s hilarious that there’s a guy smoking on a table while middle-aged women flock around him.

Standing on a table while smoking a cigarette does not make smoking any more attractive

Beer Ice Cream: A(n) (a)rousing success

15 Dec

Forget what you think you know about your favorite ice cream flavor because we made a better one. All beer purchases are now made with the underlying thought of if they could be made into an ice cream flavor.

Every time I mentioned to people that we would be making beer ice cream, they look horrified.

“You mean you’re pouring a beer and putting ice cream in it? That sounds gross.”
(On a side note, thats a beer float which does exist for people that are too lazy to make actually beer ice cream and is essentially the adult alternative of a rootbeer float for people that have vices that include desserts and alcohol).

Apparently, my friends are mentally slow (and hopefully don’t read the blog). “Why on earth would we do that?” I asked. “And why would I be making a big deal about it?”

In fact, Lisa and I were NOT planning on pouring beer on our ice cream and calling it a day. We were planning on making ice cream from scratch. So we recruited a friend with an ice cream maker and got to work looking for a recipes.

This proved harder than we expected, as there were very few to choose from, and they all seemed complicated or weird. Finally, we found a fairly simple one on AllRecipes.com and then we of course didn’t actually follow it and guessed on all the measurements.

We chose a Breckenridge Vanilla Porter and Young’s Double Chocolate Stout for our two attempts.

(These were second choice as we actually wanted the TundraBeary from Tommy Knockers for out beer ice cream but its apparently been discontinued from every beer shelf in the state. Seriously, if you buy us this beer from the brewery we’ll probably give you a personal boob picture or at least let you have one of them, beer that it. –Lisa)

We picked these because they were heavier beers, which we thought would be better and very flavorful.

The first thing we did was pour the cream into a pot and heat it until it started to boil slightly, without burning it to the bottom.

(Men wouldn’t have any idea what its like to clean the bottom of a pan that’s been burned so if you end up doing this leave it in the sink for your girlfriend to take care of! –Lisa)

Since a watch pot never boils, I thought cheering it on (or looking inquisitively at it) would help

A cheered-on pot never boils.

Next, Lisa added the sugar, and stirred as slowly as possible, until we yelled at her to pick it up a little.

Next, you’re supposed to add whatever other flavoring you have, like chocolate chips, or , in our case, nothing but beer.

Why does Lisa look horrified?

(I actually look horrified because I’m the only one that saw the hair in the cream which made a fun game later of “Who got the hair?” in their beer ice cream -Lisa).

Because John was wasting beer!

After you mix all of the ingredients, you should be left with something resembling warm, creamy chocolate milk.

Dark beers in cans have a ball in them so avoid dropping it in the ice cream and killing one of your friends with a surprise bite of ice cream that they choke on.

Then, you put the mix into the freezer until it cools.

Lisa started getting artsy with her photography by dropping to the floor to take this picture.

This is to show how you cool something. By putting it somewhere cold. We recommend using a freezer. Especially when you're impatient.

Once the mixture has cooled, place it in the ice cream maker which in our case looks like  trash can. Then, layer ice and salt rocks around the canister in the ice cream maker to make a very cold trash can.

You have to do it one at a time, for both the ice and salt, or it doesn't work.

*Note, all of this goes MUCH more smoothly if you convince someone to do most of it for you. To make this happen, seem relatively useless, or screw things up. Acceptable lines include “Wait, can you show me that again?” “THIS IS TOO HEAVY” “Pleeeaaassse will you just do it? or “If you do this for us we’ll show you our boobs”"

I think we used a combination of persuasion and fuckups (and mostly boobs).

The Boobs supervised

Then, you wait for like 45 minutes for the ice cream to harden or solidfy or whatever you want to call it, but in all honesty who gets excited when things “soften”.

And then you end up with this!

Nice and hard...

We were initally a little concerned about what it would taste like, and I added sparkle sprinkles to distract from it, in case it was disgusting. It turns out it was unnecessary, because it was AMAZING.

We decided to call it Disco Beer Ice Cream, and John made an offhand comment about how John Travolta would enjoy it. After blank stares from Lisa and I, he feebly attempted to make a connection to Saturday Night Fever.  This however backfired and led to a 15 minute tangent about how the ice creams were going to Face-Off and that we hoped it created a Phenomenon.

Then we realized those were the only two Travolta movies we could name offhand, and looked awkward as we struggled to name any others.

Now, for the beer ice creams

John's comment: "This is great! Four boobs!

Vanilla Porter Ice Cream- This one had a frostier consistancy. The flavors of the porter were prominently on display, and there wasn’t much else there. It has a rich vanilla flavor, and the aftertaste from the ice cream is quite pleasant.

4 boobs

Chocolate Stout Ice Cream- There was somehow was twice as much of this, and it had a creamier and thicker composition. The flavors seemed to blend a little better, although both Lisa and John agreed that it tasted more like beer than the Porter ice cream.

4 boobs

RECIPE


DISCO BEER ICE CREAM (aka John Travolta Ice Cream)

  • 1 pint heavy cream
  • 1 (11.5 ounce) package bittersweet chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 6 pints stout beer (such as Guinness® but seriously you should get more creative with your beer choices)
    *Note*only one beer is actually used in the ice cream, the others are for drinking during prep
  • Sprinkles!!!
  • Directions

    1. Heat the heavy cream in a saucepan over medium-low heat until it begins to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in the chocolate and sugar until melted. Slowly stir in the stout beer. Cover and refrigerate until completely cooled.
    2. Pour the chilled mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer’s directions until it reaches “soft-serve” consistency. Transfer ice cream to a two-quart lidded plastic container; cover surface with plastic wrap and seal. For best results, ice cream should ripen in the freezer for at least 2 hours or overnight.

    Why is the GPS Directing Us To A Dark Alley? (Great Divide Brewery)

    29 Sep

    We decided to go to Great Divide for two reasons- we needed somewhere close, and it was closer than Dry Dock in Aurora. My GPS had different ideas though, as it led us to a very sketchy part of Denver, with at least 3 U-turns and didn’t take us to the brewery at all. Or so we thought, until we learned that Great Divide is in a sketchier area. So sketchy you don’t have to bother paying the parking meter since your car will be stolen before you ever get a parking ticket.

    We should've taken a drink every time we saw someone who looked like they might've stabbed us.

    Even though it’s not in the nicest area, this is a great place to drink. They have an awesome selection of clothing, including hoodies, shirts and underwear).

    You can gauge how worthy the guys you're with are by seeing how they react to your panties

    While I was delighted, Lisa is still holding out for this shirt.

    As a comment on the site said, "No wonder she's banned. Look at the way she's holding that beer! She's going to spill!"

    Great Divide is a nice place to go drink at, thanks to the 4 free beer samples per person, which means that we didn’t have to pay for anything, except a tip to the bartender. They also have this sweet water keg, which I realized might be a glimpse into our futures.

    Since we're old and don't have parties or friends anymore, what should we use this keg for? How about water?

    Random other occurences from the night. We saw this man in short shorts.

    The picture doesn't do it justice

    We thought we saw an actual lady homosexual, and tried to take a secret picture, but we failed. (And by we, I mean Lisa’s latest manpanion failed.)

    I made fun of Lisa for how she pronounces “bull” and “bowl” the exact same way, so you don’t know what she’s talking about, unless she gestures.

    (You would think they she’d be able to figure out what I was saying by the context as we were taught to do in second grade. I don’t generally say “Hey, can I have a BULL of ice cream.” nor do I say “Where’s the BULL’s” as if she was keeping a herd of large furry animals in one of the cabinets in her kitchen.” – Lisa)

    Bull

    Bowl. Not BULL or vagina as it was pointed out that it looked like I was gesturing at.

    There was a rando Yeti on the wall.

    Seemed cooler when we were drunk.

    One of the beers definitely looked like someone jizzed in the cup, which led to a discussion with the greatest revelation a man can ever learn-

    Asking ladies for blow jobs (this includes the pushing her head down while you’re making out, and also outright asking) usually leads to no blow jobs, because we don’t like feeling like you’re forcing us to do it. Instead, men should turn it into some sort of challenge (ie. no woman has ever given me a good one, so I don’t expect much from you, etc) and you’ll probably get your happy ending.

    Better in a cup than on your face, I always say

    On to the beers.

    Lisa and I began arguing about who had better cleavage(which was neither). So you get two boob shots, and the men around us got a show.

    This was our conversation- "My boobs are bigger than yours, so I'll take the picture." "No they're not! I just have to pull my shirt down more!"

    Wild Raspberry- This was a decent wheat beer. We’re always apprehensive about fruit beers because most of the time they’re crap. However, this one actually tasted like raspberry! (What a concept!). It was good, but we compare all fruit beers to Tommyknocker’s Tundrabeary, so this was like a lesser version.

    “If it doesn’t taste like raspberry, I’m going to stab someone.” –Lisa

    3 boobs

    Claymore Scotch- This is a scotch ale named for some sword. First, it was kind of carmel-y, then it was smoky. Overall, pretty good, and a little different than most beers we’ve tried. It also doesn’t taste like butterscotch if that’s what you were wondering.

    “Wait a minute! This doesn’t taste like a sword!…Or scotch!!” –Lisa

    3 boobs

    Yeti Imperial Stout- This beer was kind of gross, and I enjoy most stouts. It tasted like you would think an unshowered Yeti would taste.

    2 boobs

    Smoked Baltic Porter- This porter has a subtle smoky flavor, which enhances the drinking experience, instead of making you feel like you walked into a forest fire. The official description refers to it as “smoldering” which made us want to drink it because it sounds like a sexy beer. Fun fact? It’s supposed to be eaten with veal.

    3 boobs

    Rumblewood IPA- It was finally an IPA that didn’t make me regret drinking it. However, that was because it was really weak, and didn’t have the usual burst of flavor that an IPA leaves you with.

    “It’s a lie that it’s an IPA”

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Lisa- 2 boobs

    Hoss- metallic aftertaste.

    “I hate it.”

    2 boobs

    Titan IPA- This one made up for their previous pathetic attempt at an IPA, as it was bursting with flavor.

    Lisa- 4 boobs

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Samurai- This is an unfiltered ale. There wasn’t much to say, as it didn’t have any taste.

    2 boobs

     

     

    There’s a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

    8 Sep
    This was a record setting weekend.
    • Record number of guest boobs (6)
    • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
    • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
    • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

    I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

    After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

    Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
    Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
    Me: “I’m excited.”
    Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

    In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

    That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

    As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

    While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

    Like this cobbler.

    And this brownie. And they didn't share.

    In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

    This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

    Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

    The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

    And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

    Delightful. All delightful.

    Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

    4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

    It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

    McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

    4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

    Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
    3 boobs

    Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

    Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

    Lisa – 3 Boobs

    Julia – 4 Boobs

    Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
    “I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

    Bitter. More so than other pales.

    Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

    2 Boobs

    Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

    3 boobs

    There's a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

    8 Sep
    This was a record setting weekend.
    • Record number of guest boobs (6)
    • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
    • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
    • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

    I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

    After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

    Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
    Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
    Me: “I’m excited.”
    Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

    In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

    That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

    As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

    While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

    Like this cobbler.

    And this brownie. And they didn't share.

    In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

    This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

    Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

    The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

    And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

    Delightful. All delightful.

    Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

    4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

    It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

    McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

    4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

    Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
    3 boobs

    Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

    Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

    Lisa – 3 Boobs

    Julia – 4 Boobs

    Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
    “I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

    Bitter. More so than other pales.

    Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

    2 Boobs

    Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

    3 boobs

    3 Simple Ways to Abort a Baby (BACKCOUNTRY BREWERY, Frisco)

    23 Aug

    If the title didn’t get your attention (and the attention of pro-life activists) then the pictures will. Our first brewery of the great Breckenridge brewery festival weekend with all three of our lovely guest boobs and the best view from any brewery we’ve visited BY far.

    This is why mountain drinking is great

    Thanks to guest boob Mandy, a former Summit County resident for telling us about this brewery, getting us to it and also for knowing Jason who very kindly got us a room to stay in for the night.

    Backcountry is tucked away in the mountains, and has the perfect combination of good beers and good food. They have a variety of custom pizzas which were amazing.

    No post is complete without a picture of the food we gorge ourselves on

    They don’t have very many beers here (5 regular, 2 seasonal) but look what they DO have!

    Pig growlers!

    After graciously handing over the only beer that came with a orange to Megan (it’s her only form of birth control) the topic turned to accident babies and we heard what anyone suspecting an unwanted pregnancy would want to hear.

    “Oh. no, its fine. I can take care of that for you.” –Mandy.

    Turns out Mandy’s in the (earplugs for all you conservatives out there) abortion business! We immediately began asking questions, as she explained the three spectacular ways to “take care of it”.

    1. Hot Tub - This is similar to what happens to a hard boiled egg but with less salt.

    2. Stairs - Not too creative but effective noneless.

    3. Get mugged - We probed quite a few times to figure out how this lead anything more than a loss of purse but the answer about how this could help with an unwanted pregnancy never really came out. (I think the point was that if  you’re pushed around enough, you lose the baby? –Julia)

    Our waiter, who was very nice, REFUSED to take off his sunglasses the entire meal, which made us feel as though we were being served by a spy. A spy whose code name is Chilly Willy.

    Amber yelled, "Thanks Chilly," when we left. He looked sad.

    Amber concluded that he probably has a small penis, and just tells people its cold out.

    (As a former server, I can only imagine what he did to earn that nickname. Especially for them to change his server name to that. –Julia)

    Now, for the beers…

    Look at the size of those...samplers

    Wheeler Wheat- Nice wheat aftertaste. Served with an orange. It was very light and refreshing.

    Julia- 4 boobs

    Lisa 3 boobs

    Telemark IPA- Light. In fact, it’s one IPA that we could drink a whole one. Usually IPA’s are a kick in the face. This was more of a light slap.

    4 boobs

    Peak One Porter- It smelled like nature, which odd for a porter. It also tasted like nature. Great beer for the outdoorsy types who like to incorporate that into their drinking.

    3 boobs

    Cask IPA- It did feel like a beer, and was very smooth for an unfiltered IPA.

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Lisa- 4 boobs

    Switchback Amber- This was a good amber. It didn’t leave the normal cottonmouth aftertaste that ambers do.

    3 boobs

    Julia: I don’t like ambers.

    Lisa (whispering to Amber): I think she’s talking about you.

    Amber, after learning that no one likes her

    Ptarmington Pilsner- This beer tasted like a rodent cage. You know, after you let it sit for awhile, and it’s filled with excrement and woodshavings. Picture that, but in beer form.

    Me: “This tastes like rodents. I guess that’s why they named it ptarmington.”

    Julia: “Ptarmingtons are birds.”

    Me: “Whatever.”

    1 boob

    And finally, the WORST BEER WE’VE EVER HAD. EVER. 1 OUT OF 5 OF US DIDN’T PLAN TO VOMIT AFTERWARDS.

    *Disclaimer- we loved loved loved this brewery. Except for this beer. This was the one bad thing about the place.

    IF THERE WAS A MOOB RATING, THIS BEER WOULD’VE EARNED IT. WE LEAVE YOU WITH THE FOLLOWING PICTURE MONTAGE, OF US PASSING THE SAMPLE AROUND TO TRY.

    Before...

    ...After

    Ve had a Vonderful Time! (Vell, as much as you can in Fort Collins) – Fort Collins Brewery, FOCO

    20 Aug

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    Preface to this post is that we are very excited to visit the NEW location of the Fort Colllins Brewery and hope to make it up to their Grand Opening next weekend.

    After the hectic afternoon of trying to hustle our way into the New Belgium Brewery, then the constant heckling from the guide I had to endure and finally the hilarity of being mean to parents at breweries, we headed towards our next Fort Collins adventure.

    Bikes everywhere! You would've thought we were in Boulder, but with less civilization and more boring.

    After a brief stop at Odells, where we learned that tours last about 5 minutes (we missed it because we were five minutes late) we headed towards the elusive Fort Collins Brewery. It wasn’t until much later that we realized we were going to have to visit Fort Collins AGAIN to visit this Odell’s and the Anheuser factory. This statemtn alone is grounds enough to ruin the rest of our summer.

    This mystical brewery was never on our list. We didn’t even know it existed until about a month ago when I stumbled upon it on the 4th of July. I went to pick up beer for a BBQ at Total Beverage (one of the most magical liquor stores in the state, but that’s a completely different post) and while standing in front of the beer, was approached by some man, asking if I had tried the pomegranate wheat beer and if I’d like to sample some in the back.

    My friend and I assumed this was legit, and that he probably wasn’t going to rape and murder us in the back of the store, so we followed.

    (I’m really glad this was a legit back-room tasting that didn’t end in a double homicide because otherwise I would have to finish all the rest of these brewery visits on my own and there would be no one to document the trips with notes and pictures. – Lisa)

    The pom-wheat beer was from a small brewery in Fort Collins aptly named the Fort Collins Brewery. I excitedly called Lisa, and we added it to our Fort Collins agenda (because Fort Collins is only okay when you have a very specific purpose, plan and time of escape).

    We visited on one of the last days that FCB was located in a shanty, as they recently opened up a much larger facility. The tasting room was tiny, but the beer was pretty good.

    I'm excited to see the new facility

    At this point, we were pretty wasted, and there were no children around to harass, so our manpanions had to put up with our crap. (Since men and children are basically on the same level of maturity anyway this was essentially the same as harassing children but probably with less legal consequences).

    THINGS THE BOYS WERE HARASSED ABOUT

    1. Living in Virginia

    2. Having a beard

    3. Sweating (profusely)

    4. Why they don’t enjoy having secret picture montages taken of them

    5. Threats that if they keep offering opinions on beer, they’ll have to sit in the car

    5. The need to correct people when they may/may not be wrong

    Secret picture

    About 20 pictures later, when he realized I was taking secret pictures

    Lisa’s manpanion is a little more used to this type of drunken beratement from us, than my boyfriend is, so he knew to keep his mouth shut. My BF on the other hand, thought it would be a good idea to tell us that it’s not pronounced “Hefe-WEISAN” but instead “Hefe-VEISAN” which of course led to me and Lisa switching out our “w’s” for “v’s” for the rest of the afternoon (and thus, the title of this post.)

    The afternoon ended with a trip to Qdoba and the car ride home where everyone except Lisa’s manpanion fell asleep (which was good, because he was driving.)

    Lisa’s manpanion: “Everyone is asleep. You have to stay up and keep me company while I drive.”

    Lisa: “No. But you may put your hand on my knee as I sleep.”

    *Lisa passes out*

    Now, on to the beers.

    It's a rainbow of beer! (and boobs)

    You get two boob shots today, because we were both so slutty

    Chocolate Stout (or as I referred to it, Choco Stout. And if you personally know us, you probably know why I thought it was hilarious)- This was another solid beer. It was a little different that other stouts, as the chocolate flavor actually was distinguishable. Smooth, with a good aftertaste.

    Julia: 4 boobs

    Lisa: 3 boobs

    Hefeweizen- Not vonderful. Although, ve liked it more than ve do most hefeweizens. Filtered, and tastes like bananas and cloves.

    3 boobs

    Hellebock- It was okay, but kind of tasted liked baby food. (Interesting that baby food tastes “Okay” by our standards)

    2 boobs

    Colorado Common- This was called the “beer of the Earth.” Don’t know what that means? Us either. This is why we are only doing one brewery a day from now on, because our notes make no sense.

    3 boobs

    Kidd Lager- A very smoky beer, tasted like bacon. And as we all know, you can’t go wrong when something tastes like bacon.

    3 boobs

    Z Lager- beery and smoky. Tasted similar to the Kidd, except tasted more like beer and less like a BBQ woodfire grill.

    3 boobs

    1900 Amber Lager- This was the best comparable to Coors beer yet. Light, and delicious (for a Coors-like beer)

    3 boobs

    Major Tom- This is apparently the beer they’re known for. Pretty much just consisted of me singing, “Ground control to Major Tom…” then silence because that’s all I know.

    2 boobs

    Pomegranate Wheat- A sweet beer, although it didn’t taste like pomegranate at all. Like with yogurt, apparently this is a fruit that people throw around the name of, but don’t actually use in the food/drink.

    2 boobs (only because they lied)

    Retro Red- this beer was a looker and a taster. It was the best red so far.

    3 boobs

    Rocky Mountain IPA- This is an IPA that stays with you. “It’s still in my mouth. I think it’s filtrated into my saliva”

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Lisa- 4 boobs

    (I’m partial to anything with “Rocky Mountain” in the name and since this was an IPA it was marvelous – Lisa)

    And so we leave you with this picture of table groping.

    Get a room

    Lisa: “Can you two please stop groping each other under the table? The rest of us would like to keep our beer down.”

    Julia: “Well, that’s clearly the pot calling the kettle black here.”

    Lisa: “All I heard in that sentence was pot.”

    The Only Informational Post on this Blog (BOULDER BEER TOUR, BOULDER)

    21 Jul

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    Best Wrist Bracelet EVER

    As we said in the previous post, it was necessary for us to split Boulder Beer into two trips, because of the brewery tour schedule that only is convenient for hobos and babies.

    However, we’re glad that we took the time for this inconvenient tour, because it was the best one we’ve done so far! It was informational, we actually cared and were entertained, and…the tour ends in a room with 6 or 7 pitchers of free beer!

    As usual, we were running a little bit late, thanks to me, so we got there about five minutes late. However, what we’ve learned after several instances of rushing places for tours (usually my fault), is that the Boulder breweries are pretty laid back about their tours, unlike New Belgium in Fort Collins, where it’s harder to get in than an elite nightclub.

    Our tour guide immediately greeted us, and suggested we get beer before the tour began, and that he’d wait for us. (We also enjoy the tours where you are encouraged to start drinking before it even begins).

    We started off in the room with the mash tanks, and got to actually see the guy working on it (This is the first time that’s happened. All the other breweries seem to work similar to the Wonka factory and have secret brewery oompa loompas that brew the beer when no one is looking).

    We manged to escape this room with only two close encounters of ruining 50 barrels of beer.

    Note: Don’t sneeze into the mashton tanks and try not to trip right in front of them sending yourself into 1,750 gallons of beer sludge.

    This brewer was clearly not an ompa loompa

    Pre-beer gooey sludge mess

    During the rest of this hour-long tour we were taken through the entire process of beer making- from making the yeast to the actual brewing, to the bottling. Then we ended in the tasting room, where Boulder Beer supplied the tour with the pitchers of all of the beers.

    At the end of the tour we also got to see some of the first ever canned version of Hazed and Infused as well as the miniature brew system that is available to any Boulder Beer employee that wants to try out and experiment in a small quantity of their own batch of beer which is where some of the most liked beers from Boulder Beer have started out.

    Because we usually only half pay attention when people talk, even when it’s interesting, here are the highlights from the tour.

    • Boulder Beer is a 50 barrel brewhouse
    • They put their grist hopper in the wrong spot and have to use a giant tube to get it into the mash tanks. This could have been easily avoided if the original design of the brewery had been done BEFORE they were testing the beers.
    • "Shouldn't we put this by the mash tank?" "Details..."

    • Beer actually comes in barrels as a unit of measurement, but that term isn’t usually used because it would be a pain in the as to have to carry around a barrel, which is equivalent to 2 kegs. That’s why we have handy things like kegs and pony kegs. And Firkins.
    • There are two types of yeast used in their beers. Wheat beers have a special yeast.
    • Secret pictures aren’t so secret when you stick a camera up to someone’s neck, because someone else keeps pointing at their lanyard.
    • He just really wants to save the ocean!

    • Air is bad for beer, really bad.
    • We have no idea where this door goes. Speculation is that it would be a great trick to play on someone you don’t like.
    • Well mortal enemy, what you're looking for is right through that door...

    • It takes the yeast and beer 2-7 days to ferment
    • As the yeast gets cold, it sinks. That’s why the beer tanks are cone shaped.
    • Beer is pumped into aging tanks and sits there for weeks.
    • The same yeast can be used for 10 generations safely, and still give beer a great flavor.
    • There are several different types of hopping, including wet hopping and dry hopping.
    • You can only imagine how many times we snickered, and how many innuendos we made when our guide was talking about “dry hopping”
    • Men can’t be trusted to do anything right, including taking decent pictures. But check out the home-grown hops in the background! We were told none of this hops is actually used in the beers because someone planted it years ago, no one wrote down what kind it is; surprise, surprise.
    • It's like a really bad senior picture.

    • Malt is actually pretty good. It tastes like burnt toast.

      "I could eat this like a snack!"

    • Caramel malt is crunchy and kind of sweet.
    • Hops are weird. They look like rabbit pellets and have a very citrusy, floral smell- just like hoppy beers do.
    • "It looks like a rabbit pooped in your hand."

    • Bad things happen when you stick your hand into a machine.

    I bet that guy regrets drinking on the job
    • Lisa hates everyone. (I was the only one that had to return to work after this tour was over and therefore didn’t get to enjoy the beers for as long as everyone else did, hence the angry face.  - Lisa)

    Where the footjobs are plentiful (BOULDER BEER, BOULDER)

    15 Jul

    The whole place has such a Boulder vibe.

    To start it should be noted that this brewery had to be done in two parts. First, obviously was the beer drinking and second was the actual tour of the brewery itself. We did the beer drinking a few weeks back and then had to wait for nice weekday to sneak out of work and head to the brewery for the tour because for some unknown reason Boulder beer only does brewery tours on WEEKDAYS at 2pm.

    When we arrived to sample the beer and we first noticed a few key things.

    1) We were really late – this is not surprising knowing Julia

    2) The parking lot is very Boulderish and makes no sense at all and almost deterred from going at all

    3) What looked to be EVERY employee was smoking in front of the building which means not only did we get blog content, some good beers and a lot of laughs but lung cancer too!

    Even the straws are Bouldery- meaning they're smarmy and eco-friendly. You can see how we feel.

    As previously stated we eat constantly so we all ordered food. Not just any food but the most fattening food on the menu. What better compliment to the empty calories we were about to consume in beer than some of the most fat filled foods you can get? Flawless female logic. (Kind of like how I go to the gym before every brewery. –Julia)

    And all of it was delicious.

    While waiting for our food we were asked by one of the other non-boobed group members (no this was not a highly athletic semi-lesbian female) but one of the males what we were going to do after we finished all our 30 brewery tours and subsequently had nothing more to write about.

    The obvious progression for any good alliterative blogger is to continue down the alphabet. So be prepared for our follow-up blog- Cocaine, Cooters and Confined Spaces (We felt we should continue with something unhealthy, something dirty, and a place to do all of it).

    I got irrationally angry at the waitress (admittedly) because she was singing and dancing to the awkward 80′s cover band and it was uncalled for. The males decided to challenge our blog with their own entitled “Burritos at Breweries” because every time we go to a brewery with food they order burritos. In case you were wondering it WILL feature a moob rating system.

    As a result of Julia dropping her pen under the table, me wearing a short dress, and her taking pictures under the table of me trying to pick up the pen with my feet we also inadvertently started the “Cooters” portion of our next blog early.

    I guess Julia's not that good at cooter capturing

     At this point it also got a bit awkward when I proclaimed that I am in fact “better with my feet”. For the rest of the night, the males referred to me as “Footjob”. All jokes aside, footjobs ARE possible.

    (I just keep picturing you being an evil James Bond Nemesis. And killing good guys with your feet. After you bang, of course. –Julia)

    After devouring his food in record time, one of the males began staring at everyone else’s food as they were still eating.

    Male 1: “Do you want some of this?”

    Male 2: “No, that’s okay…” 

    As you can see by the picture he had his eyes on something else he was hoping to be offered by staring at them.

    "Hey it worked for everything else I stared at..."

    Our guest boob for the night was Sarah Megill! Since I generally don’t get along with females – EVER, I ran out of female friends after the first guest boob, which means we have to rely on Julia to provide us with additional females to accompany us on the remainder of the brewery tours.

    (Good luck on that. I have approximately 5 female friends, Lisa included. If we were doing a blog involving gay men as our companions, we’d be SET –Julia)

    Yay! Fun Sarah! (we know so many Sarahs we have to differentiate them somehow)

    As we started with the beers we *astonishingly* realized one of the beers on the taster we had already had. Buffalo Gold is also served at the Walnut Brewery and because we were too lazy to ask we have no idea which brewery actually brews this.

    I would hope though that if we had asked they would have passed blame to the other brewery. Yes, I said passed blame because this beer is sub-par, especially in comparison to the other beers they serve.

     We also noted most the beers weren’t very cold. but we seized the opportunity as an excuse to drink them faster.

    Onto the beers.

    The waitress kept looking at us awkwardly as we did this

    Buffalo Gold- It’s been less than a week and we still hated it.
    1 boob

    Cold Hop Spring Ale – Bitter aftertaste.

    “It tastes like flowers!”
    “Yeah. Bitter flowers.”

    Julia -2
    Lisa -3 (only because Julia gave it a 2)

    Pastime Ale- Not bitter, smells like fruit.
    2 boobs

    Singletrack Copper Ale- The name serves it justice. Tastes like copper.

    “Tastes like if you got a penny stuck under my tongue, then drank a beer. Maybe just half a penny though, not the full thing.”

    2 boobs

    Sundance- nutty and hoppy
    2 boobs

    Sweaty Betty- Originally excited for this beer, but then realized it tastes like cloves and rotten bananas. The bananas freaked us out. It’s creative, but weird.
    2 boobs (only for originality)

    Hazed and Infused- The original. It’s powerful and delicious.
    3 boobs

    Flashback- “There’s a biscuit in this!” “This tastes like I got it in my nostril”

    2 boobs

    Lisa probably is smiling because she got an early start on the Cocaine, Cooters and Confined Spaces blog by snorting coke

    Planet Porter- WEAKEST PORTER EVER. There wasn’t really a point

    “It’s a lady porter. It’s the Smirnoff Ice of porters.”

    1 boob, only because it was a disgrace to porters

    Mojo Pale Ale- Wasn’t as good as Avery’s.

    “It PALES in comparison. HAHAHAHAHA.” -Lisa

    To be fair, I found this beer was delicious and was only disappointed since it lacked the real kick that the comparable IPA’s had. Definitely a must order if you go to this brewery though.

    3 Boobs

    Blueberry Beer (seasonal) Kinda Blue- Tastes like tea. Would’ve been better had it not been flat and warm.
    “Tastes like tea.”
    “What kind of tea?”
    “Shitty tea.”

    3 Boobs

    And that was that. Stay tuned for the review of the Boulder Beer tour, which we really liked. I leave you with this picture of my dress, which matched perfectly with my bra, making it the perfect drinking dress. You, know, just in case.

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