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Boobs on a Break

21 Apr

So, for all of our thousands of avid fans and also the people who accidentally stumbled upon this website while searching inappropriate things that have nothing to do with the blog (such as “drinking beer by pouring it on boobs” and “tiny ass thong”) you may have realized that this blog hasn’t been updated in a really really long time.

For which we’re sorry. It just seems like drinking is more fun when it’s warm out. But don’t worry, we have a renewed desire to drink, so all we need now is a new round of slutty summer shirts.

Check back soon, or subscribe to the blog to get the latest posts.

Beer Ice Cream: A(n) (a)rousing success

15 Dec

Forget what you think you know about your favorite ice cream flavor because we made a better one. All beer purchases are now made with the underlying thought of if they could be made into an ice cream flavor.

Every time I mentioned to people that we would be making beer ice cream, they look horrified.

“You mean you’re pouring a beer and putting ice cream in it? That sounds gross.”
(On a side note, thats a beer float which does exist for people that are too lazy to make actually beer ice cream and is essentially the adult alternative of a rootbeer float for people that have vices that include desserts and alcohol).

Apparently, my friends are mentally slow (and hopefully don’t read the blog). “Why on earth would we do that?” I asked. “And why would I be making a big deal about it?”

In fact, Lisa and I were NOT planning on pouring beer on our ice cream and calling it a day. We were planning on making ice cream from scratch. So we recruited a friend with an ice cream maker and got to work looking for a recipes.

This proved harder than we expected, as there were very few to choose from, and they all seemed complicated or weird. Finally, we found a fairly simple one on AllRecipes.com and then we of course didn’t actually follow it and guessed on all the measurements.

We chose a Breckenridge Vanilla Porter and Young’s Double Chocolate Stout for our two attempts.

(These were second choice as we actually wanted the TundraBeary from Tommy Knockers for out beer ice cream but its apparently been discontinued from every beer shelf in the state. Seriously, if you buy us this beer from the brewery we’ll probably give you a personal boob picture or at least let you have one of them, beer that it. –Lisa)

We picked these because they were heavier beers, which we thought would be better and very flavorful.

The first thing we did was pour the cream into a pot and heat it until it started to boil slightly, without burning it to the bottom.

(Men wouldn’t have any idea what its like to clean the bottom of a pan that’s been burned so if you end up doing this leave it in the sink for your girlfriend to take care of! –Lisa)

Since a watch pot never boils, I thought cheering it on (or looking inquisitively at it) would help

A cheered-on pot never boils.

Next, Lisa added the sugar, and stirred as slowly as possible, until we yelled at her to pick it up a little.

Next, you’re supposed to add whatever other flavoring you have, like chocolate chips, or , in our case, nothing but beer.

Why does Lisa look horrified?

(I actually look horrified because I’m the only one that saw the hair in the cream which made a fun game later of “Who got the hair?” in their beer ice cream -Lisa).

Because John was wasting beer!

After you mix all of the ingredients, you should be left with something resembling warm, creamy chocolate milk.

Dark beers in cans have a ball in them so avoid dropping it in the ice cream and killing one of your friends with a surprise bite of ice cream that they choke on.

Then, you put the mix into the freezer until it cools.

Lisa started getting artsy with her photography by dropping to the floor to take this picture.

This is to show how you cool something. By putting it somewhere cold. We recommend using a freezer. Especially when you're impatient.

Once the mixture has cooled, place it in the ice cream maker which in our case looks like  trash can. Then, layer ice and salt rocks around the canister in the ice cream maker to make a very cold trash can.

You have to do it one at a time, for both the ice and salt, or it doesn't work.

*Note, all of this goes MUCH more smoothly if you convince someone to do most of it for you. To make this happen, seem relatively useless, or screw things up. Acceptable lines include “Wait, can you show me that again?” “THIS IS TOO HEAVY” “Pleeeaaassse will you just do it? or “If you do this for us we’ll show you our boobs”"

I think we used a combination of persuasion and fuckups (and mostly boobs).

The Boobs supervised

Then, you wait for like 45 minutes for the ice cream to harden or solidfy or whatever you want to call it, but in all honesty who gets excited when things “soften”.

And then you end up with this!

Nice and hard...

We were initally a little concerned about what it would taste like, and I added sparkle sprinkles to distract from it, in case it was disgusting. It turns out it was unnecessary, because it was AMAZING.

We decided to call it Disco Beer Ice Cream, and John made an offhand comment about how John Travolta would enjoy it. After blank stares from Lisa and I, he feebly attempted to make a connection to Saturday Night Fever.  This however backfired and led to a 15 minute tangent about how the ice creams were going to Face-Off and that we hoped it created a Phenomenon.

Then we realized those were the only two Travolta movies we could name offhand, and looked awkward as we struggled to name any others.

Now, for the beer ice creams

John's comment: "This is great! Four boobs!

Vanilla Porter Ice Cream- This one had a frostier consistancy. The flavors of the porter were prominently on display, and there wasn’t much else there. It has a rich vanilla flavor, and the aftertaste from the ice cream is quite pleasant.

4 boobs

Chocolate Stout Ice Cream- There was somehow was twice as much of this, and it had a creamier and thicker composition. The flavors seemed to blend a little better, although both Lisa and John agreed that it tasted more like beer than the Porter ice cream.

4 boobs

RECIPE


DISCO BEER ICE CREAM (aka John Travolta Ice Cream)

  • 1 pint heavy cream
  • 1 (11.5 ounce) package bittersweet chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 6 pints stout beer (such as Guinness® but seriously you should get more creative with your beer choices)
    *Note*only one beer is actually used in the ice cream, the others are for drinking during prep
  • Sprinkles!!!
  • Directions

    1. Heat the heavy cream in a saucepan over medium-low heat until it begins to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in the chocolate and sugar until melted. Slowly stir in the stout beer. Cover and refrigerate until completely cooled.
    2. Pour the chilled mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer’s directions until it reaches “soft-serve” consistency. Transfer ice cream to a two-quart lidded plastic container; cover surface with plastic wrap and seal. For best results, ice cream should ripen in the freezer for at least 2 hours or overnight.

    Hey! I was expecting this to be regularly updated with new boobs (and beer!)

    19 Nov

    You may have noticed that the blog hasn’t been updated for a while. Both Lisa and I do a lot with social media, and we are well aware of the importance of regularly updating a blog to keep it interesting.  Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped us from being lazy (although I’m going to blame it on my job and Lisa working to graduate next month). But we will get better and start regularly posting again.

    I promise there will be at least one new post next week. I swear on Breckenridge Brewery’s Vanilla Porter, which for some, is like swearing on their child or something else they find important.

    Until then, enjoy these pictures from the breweries we’ve been to up to this point, along with some of our other favorites.

    Bull and Bush (new post about it next week!)

    Back Country Brewery

    Breckenridge Brewery

    Walnut Brewery

    Fort Collins Brewery

    Fort Collins Brewery

    Breckenridge Beer Festival

    Coors Tour

    It’s a Lady Homosexual Weekend! (Breckenridge Beer Festival)

    25 Aug

    We decided to kill about 6 birds with drunk stones, and went to the Breckenridge Beer Festival. We were also surprised to find that we have friends that are girls, and convinced 3 of them to go with us. Since we were all staying in one room at the Holiday Inn (at a very cheap price thanks to Mandy’s friend) it was clearly going to end up being a lady homosexual weekend. Or, at least, that’s what a high number of males kept asking.

    SAMPLE CONVERSATION

    “We’re all going up to Breck this weekend,”

    “Oh yeah? If you’re all in one hotel room, does that mean you’re going to be drunk and sharing beds?”

    Our first stop on the way was to pick up Mandy, who lives in a neighborhood where there are always children. Or, at least we thought.

    No children here, except the sweet Baby Jesus

    Once we had checked in to our hotel in Frisco and meandered over to Back Country Brewery for lunch/pregaming we boarded the free shuttle to Breckenridge to get wasted at the beer festival.

    Here we met the first of our colorful cast of characters that eventually joined us for the rest of the day.

    Amber, Lisa, Mandy and Megan were all sitting in the back of the bus next to 3 skateboarding troubled youths, a guy missing half of his front tooth, a guy wearing neon yellow sunglasses and a guy who apparently got offended at being called a gypsy.

    As usual, a convo started up between everyone, with two of the guys claiming that they don’t pay their taxes. Seeing as this is one of the top signs of being a gypsy, a lot of name calling commenced.

    Lisa looked sad to be sitting next to Half-Tooth, who clearly smelled terrible, but still thought it was okay to talk to us. When someone mentioned the blog, we said we assumed he couldn’t read it because he clearly didn’t own a computer with Internet service. He whipped out his phone and said he could read it there.

    He then turned to his friend to start discussing whose lawn he was planning on camping out on that night.

    Thankfully since I was sitting next to him I couldn’t see that he had only half a tooth and got to sit ignorantly thinking he had a sexy hockey player beard and the horrible smell was from too much athleticism. Thanks to everyone else for ruining this for me.  – Lisa

    The other guy who had proclaimed that he didn’t believe in paying taxes (I don’t know why that concept offends me so much, but it truly does. We all have to pay taxes. It’s how it works) got miffed and stopped speaking to us when Amber called him a gypsy to his face. (I’m not sure why we were so surprise they didn’t pay their taxes since we did meet them on a vehicle of public transportation. )

    In the meantime, the guy with neon sunglasses (who we dubbed “New York” because that’s where he was from) started guessing where we would all end up at the end of the night. This is what he determined

    Megan: Probably lost in the woods

    Mandy: In jail, most likely for hitting someone

    Amber: Taking care of everyone else

    Lisa: Making out with random guys

    Me: Wildcard

    By this time we had reached the festival, so we said goodbye to everyone and went on our way, assuming we’d never see any of them again. Little did we know.

    The Beer Festival was glorious. Dozens of brewers from across the country were there with some of their most popular beers. Our cups looked like we were about to give pee samples, and the brewers had a lot of IPA’s.

    DISCLAIMER: If you expect this post to have anything beer related, you’re on the wrong post. We didn’t take a single note on beer. (It would have been impossible with the frequency in which we were re-filling our cups). The only thing we remember is that there was a delicious green chili beer somewhere and when they start to run out of beer nothing gets you to the front of the line faster than a nice rack.

    Thongs and Beer Festivals lead to Babies. It's just good marketing on their part

    We asked a man to take a picture of all of us.

    Man: “Which camera should I use? Yours or mine? Haha.”

    Julia: “Mine.”

    Man: “Can I take a picture to send to my wife?”

    Mandy: “Do you want to get divorced?’

    He must have really liked the view...

    We finally saw the elusive Firkin
    note: this is the only beer related term that will be used in this post

    Someone fell over it, dropped their beer, and everyone booed. I love beer festival comraderie.

    We learned that wearing slutty dresses has a purpose. You can keep your cup in your cleavage. I feel this will come in VERY handy at the Great American Beer Festival.

    Boobs are so useful.

    Too bad the beer being poured DID NOT GO with the beer in the cup

    Mandy somehow recognized New York from the bus, yelled at him, and then had him join our entourage for the rest of the day.

    And we took a picture with him, as though he was a celebrity

    Later, he and I traded sunglasses.

    We saw a man with a tramp stamp (Mamp-stamp), and chased him to get a picture of it

    He may as well have a bullseye tatooed there. To match the arrow he had tattooed about his penis. No, seriously.

    We decided to take a dip in the lake. And by decided, I mean that Lisa was a bitch, and threw my shoe in the water.

    And clearly she's kicking at it, to make it go further in

    I had to go get it

    I threw her cup in, in retaliation. Too bad there was no more beer, and it turned out to not be her cup.

    Then we all got in.

    (Directly following this picture was taken we all playfully splashed water on each other and then had to go back to the room and all undress and dry each other off….PSYCH!)

    Mandy ran in to her friend Fox, who was very nice, but had also recently “gotten back in to town” (I’ll let you decide what that means).

    Yes, his name is Fox and yes, he did have a tattoo of a Fox. (See below)

    He was also gentlemanly enough to let us take our blog’s first Guest Moob Shot.

    We believe in equal opportunities on this blog.

    After the festival. Fox bribed us with the promise of crepes, so we headed down the street to go to the crepes stand he worked at.

    Megan, Amber and I were walking slightly behind and all looked confused when we passed the crepes, and instead watched Lisa and Mandy head into a bar.

    Apparently they were just planning on going in to pee,  but the old men out front said that there was no way the two of them could get to the bar for drinks because it was packed and they themselves had failed. The girls took that challenge and said that if they did, the men had to buy them shots. Of course they were at the front of the bar about 5 seconds later.

    And then they had to buy us all shots.

    Us: 1Middle-aged men: 0

    After the bar, we headed to Breckenridge Brewery, where we were mean to the waiter, used stickers as pasties, and had a group bulimia session. We also convinced one guy to ALSO wear stickers as pasties, then referred to him as such for the rest of the night.

    Afterwards, while walking to the next bar, we asked Pasties how his pasties were.

    Pasties: “I took them off,”

    Lisa, Julia, Amber: “Booooooooooooo”

    He stormed off. If you couldn’t tell, we were really good at making friends. (Actually, I think at one point we counted the total of people we pissed off in Breck, and it took two hands to count, so we said we couldn’t ever go back).

    Amber lost her camera, so Lisa and I went with her to retrieve it while Mandy and Megan went with New York and Pasties.

    We got horribly lost, had no idea where they had gone. We drunkenly stopped to ask the guy sitting on the bench, texting.

    Benchie (as we began calling him) told us he had no idea where the bar in question was, but would we want to go to a Tool coverband concert instead?

    Lisa almost had a heart attack right there, as Tool is her favorite band in the world. Amber and I agreed to go, until we learned it was a $12 cover charge. However, we somehow gypsy-tricked the bouncer into letting us in for $6.

    As we stood waiting for the band to start, Benchie and his friend Squirrel (nicknamed because he had a skunk in the shape of a two on his shirt that I mistook for a squirrel) attempted to talk to us. Which led to

    THE GREATEST SHUT DOWN OF ALL TIME.

    Amber (flirtatiously): “I’m really thirsty. I wish someone would buy me a beer right now.”

    Benchie (without missing a beat): “Yeah? Well I’d like a blowjob right now, but we can’t always get what we want, can we?”

    Julia: “If she gives you two blow jobs, can I get a beer too?”

    He did end up buying us beers, then abandoned us to go play more with his phone. Squirrel wandered off, Amber and I got bored by the band and we went to find our friends, who were at a local dive bar.

    We found them taking tequila shots with MORE old men and playing pool. (Also, fun note, Megan started juggling pool balls. She has video of that, and, the entire trip, but we have decided to NEVER watch it). Based on momentary lapses in drunkeness we remember the following clips of video being taken; a few ass -flashings, a convo about drug consumption and REAL lady homosexual tendencies and a 360 view of the last bar we went to that we remember.

    We discovered this lobster on the outside of a Subaru.

    This is what happens when you drive drunk in the ocean.

    The word of the night was Twat-swatting.

    Twat-swatting (v.) – this is the female equivalent of cock-blocking. However, we only did it because some of us didn’t have our phones and it would’ve been difficult to find them in the morning. Normally, we don’t believe in twat-swatting, as we feel that all ladies should have the right to go home with whoever they want.

    Finally, on the way back to the car, someone knocked on the window of a school bus in a parking lot, which woke up the children who were sleeping in it. The last thing we heard as we drove away were their terrified screams.

    And with that, our ridiculous day came to an end, and we went back to the hotel, where we all braided each other’s hair, and had pillow fights.

    Lohaning our way through Fort Collins (NEW BELGIUM, FORT COLLINS)

    13 Aug

    **The Boobs would like to apologize for the inactivity on the blog. We went to too many breweries, then realized that it takes a lot of time to write about them. However, our vacations to Washington DC and San Diego respectively made us realize how lacking the rest of the country is for craft beers, and renewed our enthusiasm for our mission.

    The first thing to note about New Belgium is that the tours run every 15 minutes 5 days a week and that you can reserve your tour time online. What this means is that the tours on Fridays and Saturdays fill up months in advance.

    We went on a Friday, the day before my birthday as a part of Julia-Palooza (my weeklong birthday celebration) and because my boyfriend was in town and wanted to see it.

    Of course I was running about 20 minutes late, so we were rushing to get to FoCo by the tour time.

    REASON #1 FORT COLLINS SUCKS- BEER TOURS START PROMPTLY. UNLIKE BOULDER, WHERE YOU CAN LEISURELY JOIN A TOUR WHENEVER.

    The drive up to FoCo was interesting. There was terrible traffic, which was not helping us getting there on time. We were also traveling next to a military convoy. Lisa’s manpanion (who was driving) refused to drive in a way that we couldn’t get a picture of the hot soldiers with guns.

    This was the best Lisa could do

    This was an especially whorish brewery tour, as I was THISCLOSE to a nip slip, and Lisa mistook a long shirt for a dress and therefore wasn’t wearing pants.

    One step away from Lohan-ing it

    *Note- Lohaning (v.) Flashing your cooter for everyone to see because you’re not wearing panties. Happens especially when drunk, and while getting out of cars.

    When we arrived, it was well past our tour time. New Belgium keeps a girl in sunglasses underneath a tent in the front with a list of names for the tour. It’s like trying to get into a very trendy nightclub, which of course made it that much worse when we were rejected.

    We asked Host if we could hop on the tour. She said no. She did suggest that we put our names on the waiting list for the tour that was in 15 minutes, although she said there were still no guarantees that we’d get to go.

    We tried everything to schmooze. I told her it was my birthday. Nothing. We tried to get one of the males to go up and compliment. They just looked scared at the thought of talking to a girl.

    (Good thing both Julia and I have perfected our talking to lady skills – something that comes naturally when you’re a part-time lady homosexual. – Lisa)

    So instead we just lurked and waited until she started calling names. We were in luck, we got chosen which means we got stamps.

    What a nice lady homosexual stamp

    Then, we were excited to discover there was a celebrity in our midst, as the woman that the stamp was modeled after was also waiting to get on the tour.

    She was terribly rude to Host. That's not how you treat someone with power.

    While we waited, Host gave us tokens to get free beers. This was also the point that Lisa began making fun of me and the BF because of our outfits.

    The kicker is that he watched me get ready, knew exactly what I was wearing then put on a matching shirt.

    Really, Lisa was just angry that her manpanion wasn’t wearing a shirt to match her salmon dress shirt. Unfortunately, since we were in the middle of nowhere (aka Fort Collins) there were no nearby trading posts for us to buy him a new shirt at.

    (This was really disgusting and I was upset that they looked like a pair of 5 – year old fraternal twins going to birthday party. – Lisa)

    The tour was supposed to last two hours and they give you several beer samples along the way. The reason it was that long is because the tour guides TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS. I forgot the notebook, so I was forced to take notes on a postcard, which means they were severely lacking. In fact, here is all that I took away from the tour.

    “Tour guide tells really boring stories. I don’t care. Tour guide also appears to have a crush on the Lady CEO who is also a scientist. Is really in to bikes.”

    (I think this was brought on by the disheartening feeling we had after being harassed at the very start of the tour, children being on the tour making noises so it was impossible to listen anyway and just the fact that we were in Fort Collins. – Lisa)

    If you couldn’t tell, the tour guide and I did not hit it off right away, as he thought I was trying to take pictures of him, and stopped the tour to pose. I was actually trying to take secret pictures of the small girl who had really hairy arms, and had an awkward moment as I told him that I wasn’t trying to take pictures of him.

    You know who doesn't care how beer is made? This kid.

    He then decided to harass me for the rest of the tour, which, in turn made me dislike him more.

    This has no relevance. We just thought it was cool they made a slutty dress out of beer.

    The rest of the tour was pretty basic. New Belgium would be an amazing place to work because they give their employees the New Belgium bikes after 2 years and send you to Belgium after 5. However, we were undecided if it would be worth it, because to work there you’d have to live in Fort Collins.

    The tour went through the entire brewing process from making the mash to bottling. The whole brewery does have a very fun and inviting environment.

    At the end of the tour, right before the tasting room, New Belgium has a slide that everyone has the option of going down. The tour guide and an old man harassed me about going down it. Seeing as I was in a short dress, and didn’t really want to Lohan everyone, I politely declined. One opportunity that I clearly missed was that I didn’t lie and say I wasn’t wearing panties. That would’ve made them shut up.

    Lisa decided to brave it, even thought she was wearing a shirt with no pants, but she went down first, so no one was able to get a cooter shot.

    (Julia really missed out not doing this slide. I got two skin burns from the amount of skin-to- metal that happened, I had to put my bra back on afterwards because the force of going down it pushed it off completely and there were complaints from boys about it effecting their manly area. – Lisa)

    We ended in the tasting room, where I managed to offend the tour guide again, and Lisa ruined a family’s day.

    Tour Guide: “What could make the tour better?”

    Lisa: “Well, I would really like it if there weren’t any children here because they don’t belong.”

    Family of four standing next to Lisa looks horrified. Mom gives her a dirty look, while the Dad chuckles.

    Dad: “Yeah, I agree.”

    Mom: “This is a learning experience for children! Our daughter had to miss rock climbing today for this”

    Lisa: “Seems that it would’ve been more appropriate and healthier to take her to that,”

    And with that, our New Belgium Beer tour came to a close. Now, on to the beers. These descriptions are going to be lacking, because writing on a postcard leaves little room for description. We’ll have to revisit the rest of the beers when we journey back to Fort Collins to complete the Odells tour which we also missed because we were 15 minutes late to it.

    Mothership Wit- 100% agave. Very cloudy. Takes just like Sweaty Betty, which is NOT a compliment. Lots of banana and clove.

    2 boobs

    Skinny Dip- this is a really generic beer. It’s not great, but not bad either.

    3 boobs

    Hagdorn’s Hellis- it’s a style of beer, not just the beer itself.

    3 boobs

    Sunshine Wheat- Lemony. Tastes like Lemon Zest.

    3 boobs

    When one brewery with an elf mascot can make an entire mountain town great (TOMMYKNOCKERS BREWERY IN IDAHO SPRINGS)

    18 Jun

    Tommyknockers in Idaho Springs is about a 25-30 minute drive into the “mountains” from the Denver Metro area, and this brewery is definitely worth the trip.

    When we went on Thursday night, they had over 15 different types of beer to choose from, including their three seasonal ales.

    So many beers!

    After I exclaimed in delight over the fact that Idaho Springs was like a little town (with stores and everything! As you can see, I don’t leave the metro area very often) we entered the brewery.

    The front room has coolers where you can purchase your favorite beers to take home with you, along with Tommyknocker merchandise, like hoodies, stickers, and um… uh… we mostly only saw the beer.

    *In the “brewery’ part of the restaurant there were those large silver things that are used to make beer, we’re going to call them vats from now on. –Lisa

    Lisa and I ordered the beer sampler, which consisted of 10 5 oz. beer samples, and was only $15, a very solid investment for the night.

    Boobs and Beer (Please note the artful photography)

    The atmosphere at Tommyknockers is very laid back, and they offer a varied and delicious selection of food. We had the nachos for an appetizer, and our meal choices ranged from a buffalo burrito, to a chicken sandwich to a traditional burger to make your own macaroni and cheese – very classy.

    We watched Game 7 of the NBA Finals (boo, Lakers!) on the several big-screen TVs in the bar and did a fair amount of people watching. We took secret pictures of babies (because I think it’s weird when people bring babies to bars), stalked the group of firefighters that were there eating (but didn’t get any secret pictures unfortunately, just stared a little TOO long as we slowly…walked…by…)

    We only hoped that the man wearing the Celtics jersey wouldn't throw the baby at the television in a fit of rage

    And then, the crowning achievement of secret pictures of the night came along.

    “I’m TOTALLY going to get the ladies tonight.” (he actually said this seriously)

    Yes, that is in fact a mullet, with lines shaved in the side of his head. We attempted to take secret pictures, got caught, and tried to play it off. The guy seemed disappointed that we weren’t taking his picture, so I asked if I could take one with him, as though he was a celebrity.

    If only he had also been wearing parachute pants

    Now, on to the beer reviews and the boobs. Following is a list of all the beers we tried, along with our boob ratings and running commentary. Thanks to Mandy for helping us out as a Guest Boob this week!

    We’ll even forgive you for ordering a martini after all the beer tasting was done.

    Alpine Glacier Lager- This beer is average. It has a very watery taste. The best thing that can be said about it is that it’s a slightly classier Keystone Light which having lived only miles from the Coors brewery for most of both of our lives just the thought of “Coors that didn’t make the cut” really wasn’t that impressive to us.

    1 Boob

    TundraBeary Ale- This was a favorite of all of the girls. It has a sweet berry flavor, but isn’t too overwhelming. If you want a beer that doesn’t taste like a beer but also doesn’t make you look like a “Mike’s Hard Lemonade” kind of girl, this is the way to go.

    Lisa: “I like it,”

    Julia: “Me too. Let’s drink the rest.”
    (First beer gone off the sample)

    4 Boobs

    Maple Nut Brown Ale- The beer lives up to its name, as it has a sweet and nutty taste to it.

    Lisa: “It’s very nutty.”

    Julia: “Really? I think it tastes like candy.”

    Lisa: “I don’t like candy. I only like pixie sticks. This isn’t pixie sticks.”

    J- 4 boobs

    L- 2 boobs

    Black Powder Stout- This stout has a very smooth and dark flavor. It tastes like chocolate and beer.

    Julia: “This is too smooth. It’s not right.”

    L- 3 boobs

    J- 2 boobs

    Butt Head- This was another average beer. It was darker tasting than the previous ones (besides the stout), and the aftertaste hits pretty hard.

    *Sidenote, I just realized that maybe that’s why the beer is called Butthead. It’s like that guy you date who seems pretty cool at first, then ends up being a douche.

    L- 3 boobs

    J- 2 boobs

    Jack Whacker Wheat- This was a lighter beer and lives up to other wheat beers we’ve tried. It had hints of lemon, and was served with a lemon on the side.

    Julia: “I’m reluctantly giving this beer a 4 boob rating. But I would describe it like this– Have you ever been to a party and been cornered in the kitchen by a guy you don’t really want to talk to? And so you reluctantly let him make out with you so he’ll leave you alone? That’s how I feel about this beer. It’s there, so you drink it, and it’s pretty good, because it’s beer, but you only drink it so you can move on to other beers.”

    4 Boobs*

    *This was also the beer that caused quite a discussion about our rating system. I wanted to give it 3 and a half boobs, but Lisa yelled at me, “No half-boobs allowed!” I reluctantly upped my rating to 4 boobs.

    Ornery Amber- This was another smooth beer, with a bit of a kick. The aftertaste took a while to set in, and wasn’t great. Overall up to this point, boo aftertaste.

    J- 3 boobs

    L- 2 boobs

    Pick Axe- This was another sweet beer, and was terrible when sipping it during the meal. As far as Ale’s go this was a pretty good match for anything regular Ale’s have.

    *Don’t expect us to use fancy beer terminology like “hoppy” or “malty”. This was an Ale that tasted like an Ale. I even had to Google “beer terminology” just to come up with “hoppy” and “malty”. –Lisa

    J- 2 boobs

    L- 3 boobs

     

    Rye Porter- This was another smooth porter, but the difference was that this one had more of a coffee flavor than the first. There was also more bite to the aftertaste.

    J- 4 boobs

    L- 3 boobs

    Seasonal Hop Strike IPA

    Enough said.

     L- 3 boobs

    J- 2 boobs

    And so ends the 10 beer sampler of beers. Luckily for us, we brought a “male” (mostly to drive us to the mountains) but were also lucky enough to have him order/convinced him to order two other beers from the menu that weren’t include in the regular sampler of beers. Hooray for us, more beer!

    Imperial Nut Brown – Really the only thing that was said about this beer was “You would like this” to the male friend. Overall girls (as if any girls would ever want to read this blog), steer clear of this one, you won’t find any berry taste hidden beneath this beer (which was darker than the murderous expression on Kobe’s face every time the Lakers were down).

    2 Boobs

     

    Oaked Butthead- this had the highest alcohol content of all the beers at 9.4%. It had a very smoked, woody taste.

    “It’s like I’m drinking at Home Depot. And not just any part of Home Depot, but specifically the lumber aisle.”

    J- 2 boobs

    L- 3 boobs

     

    Top Boob Picks

     

    Julia

    1. TundraBeary
    2. Maple Nut
    3. Rye Porter

     

    Lisa

    1. Jackwhacker
    2. TundraBeary
    3. PickAxe

     

    Mandy

    1. Pickaxe
    2. Jackwhacker
    3. TundraBeary

     As you can see, we had pretty similar tastes. Overall, Tommyknockers is a great brewery to visit, even if they don’t have tours (yet). On their website they have their whole menu and also daily coupons and specials, so don’t forget to check that out before you go!

    Welcome to our blog

    10 Jun

    Hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of Boobs, Breweries and Beer. Here we’ll be posting reviews of hundreds of beers from 30 different breweries in Colorado. Please leave comments and recommendations and enjoy!

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