About the Beer Ratings

Our rating system is based on 5 boobs. Why not stars? Or numbers? Because really, boobs are more fun. Why 5 boobs? We don’t know. We felt like it. Stop asking.

***In order for a beer to obtain a 5 Boob rating, all present boobs must be in agreement that it is worthy.***

 1 Boob

Terrible. This is the kind of beer you drank your freshman year, because it was the only thing you could afford. This could also include horrible “flavored” beers that the brewmaster probably deserves a kick in the balls for even thinking about making.

2 Boobs

Okay, but still below average. Not something you would want to drink unless there wasn’t anything else to choose from. This is really the “B cup” of beers. They probably look ok in a push up bra but when you really get down to it there’s really not enough there to matter.

3 Boobs

A pretty good beer. Not the best thing, but not the worst. Average. This is a beer you would carry around at a party and sip, as not to seem awkward.

4 BoobsThis is a great beer. You could see yourself buying it at the store. You would hide it in the vegetable drawers in the fridge if you had a party and only tell your close friends where the “good beer” is.

5 BoobsThis ranking is obviously the hardest to achieve. In order to receive 5 boobs, all girls ranking the beer must agree that it’s worth 5 boobs. This is a beer that you would fill a lake with, have it freeze in the winter, ice skate on, then drink when spring comes around and it melts. (Thanks Beerfest)

OTHER RANKINGS

MOOB

A moob is a man-boob. This is obviously the worst ranking a beer can receive (for now). It’s the kind of beer that almost instantly makes you want to throw up in your mouth. It’s like losing at beer pong at a frat party, after at least 10 teams have played without washing the cups, and being shoved the cup with the remaining beer. You look into the cup and see many unidentifiable pieces of debris floating in the pool of warm beer and backwash and wonder just how many whores before you drank from this very cup, leaving STDs behind.

Or it’s like your initial reaction to this, but in beer form.

Side Boob It’s the equivalent of half a star. Like side boob, this extra beer ranking is a much appreciated addition, but can’t quite measure up to seeing a full boob. Nip Slip A nip slip additional ranking is generally only reserved for 4 boob beers and used when we find a beer so great that it should probably receive 5 boobs, but we’re hesitant to declare it worthy until a proper beer-off is done. A beer worthy of the nip slip additional ranking is rare, just like the nip slip (unless you’re in Vegas, in which case you’ll probably see one every hour).

4 Responses to “About the Beer Ratings”

  1. G-LO August 20, 2010 at 6:19 pm #

    Hilarious rankings, but unless you have more than two hands, 3 or more boobs becomes excessive, and downright unmanageable. Have you thought about a cup size ranking instead? ;)

    All kidding aside… great blog! You’ve made the blog roll!

    CHEERS!
    G-LO

    • jyugel August 25, 2010 at 3:02 pm #

      Thanks G-LO! That means a lot to us that we’re good enough for the blog roll! And if I had a nickel for every time someone asked about the boob ratings, and why we do it this way, I’d be rich :)

  2. G-LO August 26, 2010 at 12:25 pm #

    Like I said in an earlier reply, we boys are a simple species. :D

    And thanks for adding us to yours!

    G-LO

  3. Papa K September 29, 2010 at 10:01 am #

    I’m not going to argue with your system. It sounds perfect!

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