Archive | December, 2010

Beer Ice Cream: A(n) (a)rousing success

15 Dec

Forget what you think you know about your favorite ice cream flavor because we made a better one. All beer purchases are now made with the underlying thought of if they could be made into an ice cream flavor.

Every time I mentioned to people that we would be making beer ice cream, they look horrified.

“You mean you’re pouring a beer and putting ice cream in it? That sounds gross.”
(On a side note, thats a beer float which does exist for people that are too lazy to make actually beer ice cream and is essentially the adult alternative of a rootbeer float for people that have vices that include desserts and alcohol).

Apparently, my friends are mentally slow (and hopefully don’t read the blog). “Why on earth would we do that?” I asked. “And why would I be making a big deal about it?”

In fact, Lisa and I were NOT planning on pouring beer on our ice cream and calling it a day. We were planning on making ice cream from scratch. So we recruited a friend with an ice cream maker and got to work looking for a recipes.

This proved harder than we expected, as there were very few to choose from, and they all seemed complicated or weird. Finally, we found a fairly simple one on AllRecipes.com and then we of course didn’t actually follow it and guessed on all the measurements.

We chose a Breckenridge Vanilla Porter and Young’s Double Chocolate Stout for our two attempts.

(These were second choice as we actually wanted the TundraBeary from Tommy Knockers for out beer ice cream but its apparently been discontinued from every beer shelf in the state. Seriously, if you buy us this beer from the brewery we’ll probably give you a personal boob picture or at least let you have one of them, beer that it. –Lisa)

We picked these because they were heavier beers, which we thought would be better and very flavorful.

The first thing we did was pour the cream into a pot and heat it until it started to boil slightly, without burning it to the bottom.

(Men wouldn’t have any idea what its like to clean the bottom of a pan that’s been burned so if you end up doing this leave it in the sink for your girlfriend to take care of! –Lisa)

Since a watch pot never boils, I thought cheering it on (or looking inquisitively at it) would help

A cheered-on pot never boils.

Next, Lisa added the sugar, and stirred as slowly as possible, until we yelled at her to pick it up a little.

Next, you’re supposed to add whatever other flavoring you have, like chocolate chips, or , in our case, nothing but beer.

Why does Lisa look horrified?

(I actually look horrified because I’m the only one that saw the hair in the cream which made a fun game later of “Who got the hair?” in their beer ice cream -Lisa).

Because John was wasting beer!

After you mix all of the ingredients, you should be left with something resembling warm, creamy chocolate milk.

Dark beers in cans have a ball in them so avoid dropping it in the ice cream and killing one of your friends with a surprise bite of ice cream that they choke on.

Then, you put the mix into the freezer until it cools.

Lisa started getting artsy with her photography by dropping to the floor to take this picture.

This is to show how you cool something. By putting it somewhere cold. We recommend using a freezer. Especially when you're impatient.

Once the mixture has cooled, place it in the ice cream maker which in our case looks like  trash can. Then, layer ice and salt rocks around the canister in the ice cream maker to make a very cold trash can.

You have to do it one at a time, for both the ice and salt, or it doesn't work.

*Note, all of this goes MUCH more smoothly if you convince someone to do most of it for you. To make this happen, seem relatively useless, or screw things up. Acceptable lines include “Wait, can you show me that again?” “THIS IS TOO HEAVY” “Pleeeaaassse will you just do it? or “If you do this for us we’ll show you our boobs”"

I think we used a combination of persuasion and fuckups (and mostly boobs).

The Boobs supervised

Then, you wait for like 45 minutes for the ice cream to harden or solidfy or whatever you want to call it, but in all honesty who gets excited when things “soften”.

And then you end up with this!

Nice and hard...

We were initally a little concerned about what it would taste like, and I added sparkle sprinkles to distract from it, in case it was disgusting. It turns out it was unnecessary, because it was AMAZING.

We decided to call it Disco Beer Ice Cream, and John made an offhand comment about how John Travolta would enjoy it. After blank stares from Lisa and I, he feebly attempted to make a connection to Saturday Night Fever.  This however backfired and led to a 15 minute tangent about how the ice creams were going to Face-Off and that we hoped it created a Phenomenon.

Then we realized those were the only two Travolta movies we could name offhand, and looked awkward as we struggled to name any others.

Now, for the beer ice creams

John's comment: "This is great! Four boobs!

Vanilla Porter Ice Cream- This one had a frostier consistancy. The flavors of the porter were prominently on display, and there wasn’t much else there. It has a rich vanilla flavor, and the aftertaste from the ice cream is quite pleasant.

4 boobs

Chocolate Stout Ice Cream- There was somehow was twice as much of this, and it had a creamier and thicker composition. The flavors seemed to blend a little better, although both Lisa and John agreed that it tasted more like beer than the Porter ice cream.

4 boobs

RECIPE


DISCO BEER ICE CREAM (aka John Travolta Ice Cream)

  • 1 pint heavy cream
  • 1 (11.5 ounce) package bittersweet chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 6 pints stout beer (such as Guinness® but seriously you should get more creative with your beer choices)
    *Note*only one beer is actually used in the ice cream, the others are for drinking during prep
  • Sprinkles!!!
  • Directions

    1. Heat the heavy cream in a saucepan over medium-low heat until it begins to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in the chocolate and sugar until melted. Slowly stir in the stout beer. Cover and refrigerate until completely cooled.
    2. Pour the chilled mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer’s directions until it reaches “soft-serve” consistency. Transfer ice cream to a two-quart lidded plastic container; cover surface with plastic wrap and seal. For best results, ice cream should ripen in the freezer for at least 2 hours or overnight.

    ManBeer…for Metrosexuals (Bull and Bush, Denver)

    8 Dec

    Lisa and I decided we needed to go to a brewery with food, and since we’re quickly running out of Denver options (It’s going to be fun when we have to start taking weird road trips to places like Durango), decided to try out Bull and Bush.

    We had heard a lot of good things, so we were pretty excited. It’s a bar with a dirty name, so we figured it had to be awesome.

    (Aside from the dirty name this bar also features a logo that combines the Coppertone logo and mild child pornography. –Lisa)

    Those look like 2 little boys to me. Probably should be called Bull & Bull. This most definitely explains the "ManBeer".

    Yeah her bottoms are half down but she's not wearing a top at all!

    After inviting people, contemplating inviting people and then uninviting other people, it was just Lisa and me. Which Lisa tweeted about.

    Me_normal Limabo88: After contemplating inviting other ppl 2 accompany us to a #brewery tonite @jyugel & I decided a ladyhomosexual date was more our style.
     
    Again, my GPS felt the need to take us on a very roundabout path, through a suburban neighborhood. We finally reached the pub, which looked fun and delightful from the outside (and also like Hansel and Gretel might be inside), but kind of out of place in a very residential neighborhood. 

    It was self-seating, so we wandered until we found a table in the back where we were surrounded by several groups of middle-aged people who were excessively happy they were able to be out (which I enjoy because it makes me feel young and hip, even though most nights I’m home by 10).  

    The menu was vast and included everything from traditional pub food, to steaks to specialized burgers. Lisa and I decided to share a few appetizers, in true lady homosexual fashion, which was even more awkward to order, since we each also got a cup of french onion soup and everything we ordered involved cheese as a main ingredient. 

    We had so much delicious food, we thought it deserved a boob shot

    Unfortunately, the thing that was most memorable about this brewery was the AWFUL server we had. I waitressed for 5 years to get through school, so I know what it’s like. And what most servers will tell you is that we can be very understanding people, but I can also tell when people are just shitty at their job, and it makes me even angrier.

    Out of former server guilt and empathy, I’ll pretty much tip over 20% if you can remember to bring me my food. But something about this girl just made us want to hit her. It might have been her inability to do her job  AT ALL. This almost warranted a negative tip but since we’re both going to hell for a variety of other reason we didn’t think “not paying your beer tab” needed to be added to the list. 

    Waitress: “Do you know what you’d like to drink?

    Me: Well, we noticed there’s 7 beers, but the samplers come in threes. Could we do 2 samplers and get one other beer?

    Waitress: No.

    Me: Really? There is no way to do that? No way, that we could purchase one sampler for a dollar, or you could charge us for something and give us the extra beer?

    Waitress: No.

    Lisa: Okay, we’ll take these beers then and…

    (Waitress nods and walks off)

    Lisa: I was in the middle of a sentence, right? I clearly hadn’t finished talking, right?

    To make a long story short, it went downhill from there. Our beers were warm, we had to explain to her that instead of telling us what the beers were, she should set them on the sampler page, and I’m pretty sure she forgot about the second beer. 

    (I contemplated ordering the specialty cask beers on the menu but figured any deviation from the normal might result in no beers at all and I was thirsty. -Lisa)  

     At the end of the meal, our waitress told us we had her last pen. In true passive-aggressive form, I stole it.

    And cackled in the car about it. I SHOWED HER!!!

    As we sampled the beers, Lisa proudly whipped out her notebook and offered to take notes for the evening.

    "I have a notebook! I'm not going to use it, but I have one!"

    She actually writes upside down too, so that if you flip it, everything is correct.

    I offered to take over.

    We had to write holding our notebooks because there was no room on the table, with all the food we got

    After realizing we should probably start drinking our beer before we filled up on food, we got started. You’ll notice that one is in fact missing because you are NOT allowed to order beer samples in any interval other than 3.

    It took a while to get this shot, because we had to clear the table

    THE BEERS

    Happy Hop Pilsner- It tasted like a stronger Keystone Light. Which isn’t something anyone wants. Especially when it’s kind of warm. And it most certainly does not make anyone happy or like they want to hop when they drink it.

    “This is the worst.”

    Julia- 1 boob

    Lisa- 2 boobs

    Allgood Amber Ale- Ambers are something we struggle with sometimes. Most of them have a copper taste, like you’re sucking on a penny, which is something that neither of us enjoy. However, this one really was “all good”. No copper aftertaste, and just the right amount of bitterness.

    3 boobs

    Tower ESB- This was a gypsy beer. At first taste, it seemed okay. And then a few seconds after swallowing, the very very bitter aftertaste set it. We still have no idea what ESB stands for, and our suggestions aren’t funny enough to share. “Extremely Shitty Beer?” was the best one, so that should tell you something.

    “We don’t see these very often…which I’m glad about. Except that I forget that I hate them, so it’s always a terrible surprise.”

    2 boobs

    No Coast IPA- As IPA’s go, we like them to be bursting with flavor, and it’s what we expect. This one was weak. And not just weak, but bad weak, where all of the bad flavors seemed to be struggling to make themselves known on our delicate palates.

    “They should’ve just called it Gross IPA.”

    2 boobs

    ManBeer- This is supposed to be a citrusy, malty and hoppy beer. The flavors were more subtle than the other IPA, which we appreciated. However, it wasn’t what we would call a “man beer”.

    “They should’ve called it ‘MetrosexualBeer.’ That would have been more fitting.”

    3 boobs (but only because it’s still an IPA)

    Big Ben Brown Ale- Nutty flavor. Decent, nondescript beer.

    3 boobs

    Julia: What are you doing?

    Lisa: I was cleansing my palate with sour cheese

    Stonehenge Stout- had a great smokey flavor mixed with carmel. Decent.

    3 boobs

     

     
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